


as time goes on

by spacethyme



Category: TsukiPro the Animation
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, M/M, Minor Violence, beast koukun, bunch o fluff, fairytale AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-31
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2019-10-19 21:13:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 21,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17609087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacethyme/pseuds/spacethyme
Summary: Once upon a time, there lived a lone wanderer without a home. But he had his voice and his lute, a story and a song. He moved from place to place, telling tales of faraway lands. Those swayed by his charms, would offer him to stay the night. But he would be off the next day, back on his journey to nowhere.The dark, ominous castle beyond the woods was just another overnight stop. At least that's what he thought.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> [came up with a beast koukun design the other day](https://twitter.com/spacethymes/status/1081252901782077440) and I can't stop thinking about mamokou batb au ever since... here goes!
> 
> special thanks to [my friend](https://twitter.com/c_gridia) for discussing the concept and bouncing off ideas with me! ^w^

_Compass. Notebook, pen, ink. Tinderbox, fire steel. Blanket. Cloak. Trinkets from strangers..._

Mamoru went through the mental list again, shoving items into his satchel. He glanced at his lute, which was still on the bed. Now, where had he put the case? 

“All set?” A dark-haired, green-eyed man peered through the doorway.

Mamoru turned around. “Ah, Ken! I’m almost done.” 

“Take your time. Ryouta and I will be waiting outside."

After briefly scrambling to look for the case, Mamoru placed the lute in it safely, and latched it shut. “There we go.”

The young couple, Kensuke and Ryouta, were waiting outside the humble house, ready to see him off. They had been gracious enough to take him in last night when the other townspeople politely declined, and Mamoru had been glad to exchange a song for a bed. His music was enough to melt even Ryouta, the silver-haired man who first regarded him with nothing but coldness.

Still, they were nothing more than acquaintances. Mamoru would never see them again.

Mamoru bowed deeply. “Thank you so much for letting me stay the night, Ken, Ryo!"

"And the food."

"And the food!"

Kensuke slung a hand over Mamoru’s shoulder. "It's really no problem. We thank you too, Mamoru, for the pleasant night. Your stories were great, the song you made-what was it? It was wonderful!"

“ _Promessa_ ," Ryouta nodded. "It's exceptional."

Mamoru’s face flushed. “Ahaha, I’m flattered!"

“When Ryouta makes a positive comment, then you know it’s really  _really_  good.” Kensuke laughed. At that, Ryouta elbowed him lightly. 

“Where are you going now?” Ryouta asked. 

"That,” Mamoru swiftly put on his cloak, "I do not know. But that’s the fun of it,” he grinned. “Walking without a goal, going with instinct, you’ll end up discovering so much more things that way. That’s why I’m able to see so many wonderful places.” He already had his eye set on the woods further north.

Ryouta shook his head. “You’re a strange man.” Though there was no malice in his voice. 

“Well, Mamoru.” Kensuke let go. “We wish you the best of luck on your journey, wherever it is you're going. It’s been really nice having you." 

“Take care of yourself.” Ryouta added.

“Thank you very much!"

Mamoru overheard the couple humming _Promessa_  as they walked back into the house. He smiled warmly, put up the hood of his cloak, and disappeared into the woods.

He had to admit, leaving the warmth of Kensuke and Ryouta's house, the cheerful energy of the small town, he felt a little lonely. More than usual.

 

* * *

 

The sun was about to set, and Mamoru hadn’t found a single dwelling. There were only trees and hills as far as the eye could see, not even smoke from a chimney. Mamoru was ready to spend the night in the wilderness, but sleeping in a proper bed would be much preferred. The last light of the day was about to fade when he suddenly saw a lone silhouette not too far away. A building. A very large one. Upon getting closer, Mamoru saw that it was a massive castle, standing proudly on a secluded hill.

Mamoru walked until he reached the outer fence made of iron. The place looked like it had been deserted, as nobody seemed be living there except plants. It was so overgrown, it resembled a small forest. The large and equally overgrown garden space didn’t help. But the forts and distinctly pointed towers were visible, there’s no mistaking it: it was a castle, the ones royals would live in. 

Either it has been abandoned long ago, or there’s still a royal or two living inside who really couldn’t be bothered to clean up. Abandoned castle or not, it was a more compelling option than sleeping outside in the cold, starving.

Mamoru would take any chances he could get. He looked at the fences and their pointed tips, the tall iron gate at the center. To his surprise, the gate had no lock. And when he pushed, it opened with no resistance.

The air was cold and thick. Mamoru shivered as he closed the gate behind him and walked through the tangled garden. He could’ve sworn he felt that he was being watched, that something weightless had latched onto him, or something was murmuring in his ear. _Get ahold of yourself!_  Mamoru slapped his cheeks. _You’re not scared of anything. You have nothing to lose._

_No one would miss you, anyway._

He stood in front of the wooden doors of the castle’s main entrance, and once more, he gave it a push. Again, it opened with no resistance. The doors creaked loudly.

Surely, this castle was abandoned. What kind of royal leaves their castle completely defenseless?

Just to make sure, though...

Mamoru shouted as loud as he could. “Hello...!" 

It echoed off the walls, through the space.

"Is... anyone home?"

No one replied, except the echo.

It was dark, so very dark. He could make out shapes of chandeliers and candelabras, but none of them were lit. He noticed rows of torches on the wall, so he took one out, and went about on lighting it.

Mamoru didn’t always successfully start a fire, so it was a miracle he managed to light the torch. It provided ample illumination.

At that point, Mamoru couldn’t find any evidence of a human being. He started an experimental walk through the castle.

_Maybe I should stop worrying, enter a random bedroom and..._

A roar ripped through the castle, making Mamoru jump and nearly drop the torch. 

_…There it is._

A hulking beast landed in front of him out of nowhere, shaking the room as it landed on all fours. It was too fast, Mamoru couldn’t think, he couldn’t move, the beast was lunging at him, roaring, and—he saw rows of fanged, sharp teeth, antlers, giant claws, piercing blue eyes, a flash of shining gold mane— _At least it’ll be a swift death—_  

He had expected to be gored, torn apart and eaten. No, the torch was simply knocked off his hand, and promptly extinguished with a stomp of… hooves?

The monstrous figure retreated to a dark corner of the room, hiding its face behind a curtain of leaves hanging from the ceiling. Through the foliage, Mamoru could see a pair of blue eyes, watching him closely with... curiosity? fear? It let out a low growl, trying to shrink further into the corner, to no avail.

Recovering from his momentary fall, Mamoru took a small step forward. The growl turned into a warning snarl. The beast… was shivering, almost rattling the walls.

 _Like an anxious dog..._

The creature bared its teeth, seemingly ready to pounce again, and Mamoru felt himself squeak. _Think quickly._ Against his better judgement, he decided to talk.

“Wait! A-are you scared?! I’m not going to hurt you! S-see, see? I don’t have any weapons with me. I’m just a harmless musician!” Mamoru sat down, took off his satchel and cloak. He took out his lute and held it gently in his arms. 

“Would you like to hear a song?” his voice softened.

The shadow in the corner did not move, but it had stopped growling. The eyes blinked once, slowly.

Mamoru chuckled. “You understand me? Well, never mind. Music speaks to everyone.” He plucked the strings experimentally, and the creature twitched at the noise. Turning the pegs at the lute's neck a little, Mamoru took a deep breath. 

 _Gentle, and soothing. Dreams, wishes, twinkling stars, soft whistling winds._

His fingers started plucking and strumming, and his mind wandered. 

_A scene. The dimming sun sank into the sea, taking down with it curtains of orange. Blue and purple crept in from the edges of the sky, dotted with starlight. The horizon was vast, there were calm waters, a small boat floated still in the distance. The last golden light bathed him before the day finally slept, and he released a breath he didn’t knew he was holding._

Mamoru ended the tune, letting the last harmony ring throughout the room.

It was a short song. _To be expanded later,_ Mamoru thought. When he finally looked again at the creature, it had poked its entire head out of the darkened greenery. It would look just like a massive wolf, if not for the unusually long ears and distinctly stag-like antlers jutting out of its head. They were wrapped in half-wilted, slithering plants. Straining his eyes in the dark, Mamoru could see small flowers growing on the antlers, too. When he met the creature's blue eyes once more, they locked gazes.

Those eyes… they don’t seem like those of an animal’s.

The creature jerked suddenly and pulled its head back into the shade, as if just then realizing it had shown its face. It whined.

Mamoru’s voice was soft. "I'm not scared. It's okay, you can come out. I’m not going to hurt you, remember?”

It refused to move.

"Do you like the song?” Mamoru strummed his lute.

A vague noise.

Mamoru scratched his head and laughed nervously. “It’s great that you can understand me, I think, but, uh, I don’t really understand you.”

…Another vague noise. 

 _This is not going to go anywhere._ “Oh, what I was about to ask earlier, was—"

A sudden wave of pain coursed through Mamoru’s body. He staggered, and saw the creature jolt, spooked.

“Ugh,” Mamoru held a hand to his head. “This…"

The creature’s long ears perked. It poked out its head again.

The walls started moving. Mamoru blinked a few times. His vision was becoming fuzzy. The floor was rising. This was dangerously familiar. _The lute! The lute must be safe!_  He knelt down, placed the lute on the floor, made sure nothing was broken. The creature in the shadows stared at it, then back at Mamoru.

His legs ached. The fatigue from the day’s travels finally caught up to him. Suddenly he was extremely aware of his empty stomach, how cold everything is, his head felt light, his body slowly tilted— 

“Ah… I guess… humans really do have to eat to survive…”

The last thing he heard was the creature's distraught, high-pitched cry, before darkness overtook him, and everything turned black.

Silence.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The wanderer stops wandering.

Mamoru woke up nestled in thick blankets, fluffy pillows, and the most comfortable bed he'd ever had.

He sat up, yawned, and scanned the room he had been placed in. The curtains were open, warm sunlight shining through the windows. He felt his body, saw that he still wore his own clothing.

This... was he still in the castle from last night? Because the room was... habitable. It was clean, with no trace of wild plants or stray roots, the candles were lit, and his belongings were placed on a bedside table to his left, with the lute still outside of its case. On the right, a generous bowl of stew, still warm, along with a lavish tray and spoon.

Everything about the room was lavish, though. Ornate decorations and sculptures, all over the walls, and up the pillars of his canopy bed, an elaborate chandelier hanging from the ceiling... and there's so, so much gold.

_It's like all the plants have been replaced with gold._

Mamoru helped himself to the stew. He would be more fussy about what _meat_ was in it, but he couldn't complain, not when his stomach was grumbling.

Mamoru's eyes lit up. _Delicious!_ The rejuvenating warmth spread throughout his body. He tasted the richness of the meat, the vegetables, a tint of fresh herbs. The smell and taste took him back to the simpler days of his childhood. How nostalgic.

Unfortunately for him, the door creaked open just as Mamoru was ungracefully shoving food in his mouth.

It was the creature from last night, attempting to fit itself through the doorway, bumping its antlers a few times before successfully entering. Mamoru had wiped his mouth on his arm and pretended not to see anything.

So there it was, the mystery beast unveiled, standing on two hooves, in full view. It stood there awkwardly, as if waiting, swishing its long tail. It was more slender than Mamoru had expected, and it was wearing a large, loose, white shirt and dark pants, whereas Mamoru could’ve sworn it was completely naked, like an animal, the night before. But now, it was clothed, standing on two legs, and staring at him expectantly. With those oddly humanlike eyes.

Mamoru cleared his throat. “Um… this?” Mamoru gestured at the room, and at the stew. “You did this, right? You gave me a nice bed? And food?”

The creature nodded cautiously.

“Thank you, thank you very much.” Mamoru bowed his head.

The creature… nodded again, ever silent.

Mamoru unwrapped himself from the sheets. He placed the lute properly in its case, and grabbed his cloak.

“So, um,” Mamoru said, “I will be leaving now. I really can’t thank you enough for all of this. And, ah, not eating me.” He was surprised at how nonchalant he was about the whole thing, as if he didn’t accidentally meet a mythical deer-wolf beast who tucked him into bed and made him breakfast.

Before Mamoru could do anything else, though, the creature outright _whimpered_ , and the look on its face was none other than that of a kicked puppy.

 _How can I possibly resist that?!_ “I’m sorry! I was only planning to stay for one night, from the very beginning. That’s what I always do.” Mamoru said helplessly. “You’ve been very nice to me, but I would hate to be any more of a burden to you. I must leave."

The creature opened its canid maw, and began, “N-no--“ but was interrupted by a rasping cough.

Mamoru nearly fell over in shock.

“Don't go!” it managed to let out.

Mamoru’s jaw dropped. “You speak!!”

“I do!” the creature said again, a little more forcefully.

Mamoru wheezed. He rolled back onto the bed, and exploded in laughter. The creature fell quiet again, and Mamoru was filled with immediate regret.

“It’s nothing, sorry, sorry!” Mamoru apologized. “I just… I was expecting your voice to be deeper.” This was the same beast that made that terrifying roar, wasn’t it? Some vocal dissonance, this was.

The creature squinted, tilted its (his?) head, the vines tangled in his (?) antlers swaying, and Mamoru squealed internally. “Not that it’s a bad thing!” He clarified. “I like your voice. It’s gentle and light. It’s soft. Warm." What was he saying?

The creature—he? Shifted his gaze onto the floor.

Mamoru had forgotten all about leaving then, and sat cross-legged on the bed, looking at the golden-haired beast in awe. “What exactly are you? How long have you been here? Do you have a name, so I can stop calling you ‘creature’ or ‘beast’ in my head?”

He took a step back, pondering. “Kouki.”

“Huh?”

“My name…"

“Kouki.” Mamoru tried. “Kouki. I see! What are you, then? Is this castle yours?"

Kouki’s demeanor abruptly shifted. He glared at Mamoru sharply, growling under his breath.

“Whoa! It’s alright if you don’t want to tell!” Mamoru held up his hands. “I didn’t mean to push. I'm just curious. Sorry."

Kouki relaxed at that, falling silent. 

Mamoru had a thousand questions floating in his head, but decided to drop everything for now. “Ah, what you said earlier, you didn’t want me to go?” Mamoru was starting to get suspicious, but Kouki didn’t seem ill-natured at all.

Kouki shook his head. The antler-plants shook with him, rustling. A few leaves fluttered down. He gestured at Mamoru’s lute case with a large paw.

“Do you like the song that much?” Mamoru found himself smiling. Kouki averted his eyes, nodding very, very slowly.

Mamoru knew his music had a certain flair, but that was the first time he managed to charm something not entirely human. A massive boost to his self-esteem.

That aside, the not-entirely-human creature wanted him to stay. This was not Mamoru’s style at all. It’s strictly one night in a stranger’s home in exchange for a song, and he would disappear the next day, no strings attached. The vagabonding life, without a care in the world. It was his custom for years, and he had no intention of settling down. Not when there's more sights to discover, not when there's still hidden expanses of land left untraversed.

The bed was awfully nice, though. The food was also great, though. And winter's coming soon. Mamoru had gone through a few winters, and he could try to survive by himself out there another year. He would rather not, though.

"Alright, I'll stay a little longer."

Kouki perked up. “Really?” His voice had returned.

Mamoru smirked. “Only until winter is over, though!”

“O-oh, yes.” Kouki nodded. “Of course.”

“…This is the part where you’re supposed to say ‘whatever happened to only one night?’ or something.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Take it slow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> changed rucksack to satchel because wrong time period even though idk what time period

“The name’s Mamoru! Mamoru Fujimura. You know the deal, I’m a musician."

"What do musicians do every day?" Kouki had sat down in front of the bed eagerly, where Mamoru could see his face at eye level.

"I'm a _traveling_ musician!" Mamoru said, fiddling with his lute. "There's a difference. I guess you can also call me a wanderer?"

"Wanderer... don't you have a home?"

Mamoru shook his head. “My parents passed away long ago, and I was moved to an orphanage. I didn't have the heart to stay there once I became an adult, though."

"Oh." Kouki's long ears drooped. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-"

"No, no." Mamoru interrupted. "It's okay! Please don’t make that sad expression. I’ve put all of that behind me. Anyway, this lute," Mamoru strummed a chord, "Was my mother's. She taught me how to play. We used to have a small piano, too, but we had to sell it during a rough time."

"Piano," Kouki echoed.

"Yes! It's a magnificent instrument." Mamoru sighed. "But where was I? Ah, yes, I became a vagabond of sorts. I go where my instincts tell me to, and where all the pretty sights are. And there are some _really_ beautiful sights a lot of people are missing out on."

Mamoru continued. "At the end of each day, I ask a stranger if I can spend one night in their homes, in exchange for music and stories from my travels. My music's pretty good, if I do say so myself, and no one could resist stories about those far-off lands they could only dream of! So, this system of mine is working quite well."

"Is this the first time you're staying at a stranger's place for more than a night, then?"

"Pretty much!" Mamoru grinned. "You seem like a nice... er, guy, after all, and I really would rather _not_ be outside during winter. Hope you don't mind."

"Not at all."

Kouki definitely looked nicer under sunlight, Mamoru thought. His fur was a pleasant light brown, the thick mane running down the back of his furry neck was matted, but shone with a golden sheen. The large plant-tangled antlers were imposing in the dark, but at that moment, they were like flowering tree branches.

Kouki was like a friendly forest spirit, of sorts. Not that Mamoru had seen a forest spirit before.

_Sitting there like that, he looks just like an oversized puppy. I kind of want to pet his head—_

"Aren't you scared of me?" Kouki asked suddenly, interrupting that train of thought.

"I was, last night. I thought you were going to eat me. But instead, you made me a comfy bed and fed me, so, not anymore."

Kouki narrowed his eyes. "That's all it took? Even though I still look like," Kouki bared his sharp teeth, flexed the clawed fingers of his paw, "Like this?"

"Yeah?" Mamoru said casually. "It's not easy to scare me. I've had my fair share of violent wild beasts and near-death situations."

"Did it cross your mind that I might just be buttering you up?"

"I think I'm an alright judge of character." Mamoru frowned. "You seem sincere. But if you're not, and you're going to kill me by the end of this," he paused, "I have nothing to lose."

"I will do nothing of the sort!" Kouki said firmly, as if Mamoru had just offended him.

"See? I can trust you."

Kouki did not reply.

"So," Mamoru huffed, peeling the bedsheets off of him, "Are there house rules? Do I get conditions for staying here? Can I go anywhere, because this castle is awesome and I'd love to see all of it?" He eyed the door.

"I, maybe, you should stay in here for today." Kouki said.

"Huh? Why?"

Kouki looked at Mamoru dead in the eyes. "I only cleaned this room."

He noticed Mamoru trying to stifle a laugh, and continued immediately. "The castle is _dirty_ ," Kouki said in a resigned tone. "There's roots and thorned plants everywhere. It's unpresentable. I would have cleaned up more, but you fainted yesterday and the situation was too urgent."

Mamoru couldn't resist it anymore, and burst out laughing. "Aww, how sweet! Did you also actually put on _clothes_ for me?"

Kouki’s face would turn red if it could. "It's basic decency!"

"A-ny-way!" Mamoru clapped his hands and changed the subject. "We have all day here, then! Would you like to hear a story? A song?" Punctuated by a joyful jingle from the lute.

“Tell me about the one last night?”

“Hmm? Oh!” Mamoru recalled the melody that had soothed Kouki the night before. “That was… _My Gloria_.” He played a verse.

“… _My Gloria_?”

“The title! I came up with it just now. It was also improvised on the spot, yesterday.”

Kouki blinked. “That’s amazing.”

“Ahaha, thank you! I might expand it, and give it lyrics, too.”

“It’s such a gentle and delicate melody… but at the same time, I felt something powerful from it. I’ve never heard anything like it.”

"You really think so?” 

Kouki nodded.

Mamoru closed his eyes. “I was thinking of something to calm you down, so I thought of a calm memory. It ends up becoming nostalgia,” he said. “A gentle evening. I was a child, an expanse of still water between me and the setting sun. Thought about what I wanted to be. I remembered my mother, she would cradle me in her arms, in her warmth…"

He sighed fondly.

“Do you have a memory like that?” Mamoru glanced at Kouki.

Kouki did not answer. “It’s almost evening,” he noted, after a while, pointing at the window.

_He changed the subject. Still not opening up, I see._

Mamoru played along, for now. “Wow! Did I really wake up that late?"

“You did,” said Kouki. He made his way to one of the bedside tables. “I hope you don’t mind eating more of the same stew later? I made quite a lot."

Mamoru waved his hand. “It’s no problem! I liked it. What meat was in it, though?”

“Deer.”

“I see.” Mamoru nodded. “What did _you_ eat, then?” He made a mental image of Kouki lapping up food from a bowl that was way too small for his muzzle. Maybe he ate from a cooking pot.

“The deer?” Kouki said, as if it was only obvious. "I ate it right after I caught it."

Mamoru didn’t know what he expected from a creature who only recently started wearing clothes. “Ah. Right.”

The rest of Mamoru's day was essentially spent in bed. A huge difference from what he usually did, but he wasn't going to complain.

It was nice to be spoiled once in a while.

“Good night, Mamoru.” Kouki bade him, that night, bowing his head as low as he could to fit through the door.

“Good night, Kouki!”

He heard the door shut.

Later, he heard, too, what sounded like tree branches falling, and the rustling of leaves.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A song of survival.

After a hearty breakfast of roast meat and potatoes, Kouki showed Mamoru around the castle.

It was considerably cleaner than when Mamoru first saw it. Rocks and dust had been removed from the floor, revealing the gleaming tiles underneath. There were still vines slithering around the pillars and on the ceiling, even through the arms of the elaborate chandeliers, but they had flowered, giving the place a natural touch.

There were elegant bedrooms, grand ballrooms, and splendid, decorated hallways, all glittering with silver and gold. All was empty, though, and terribly quiet. The heavy sound of Kouki’s hooves on the floor tiles echoed, followed by Mamoru’s lighter footsteps.

A lot of paintings were hung on the wall, but none of them were of people Mamoru recognized, or particularly cared about. As expected, since they were all nobility dressed in riches and royal garb. At least until he and Kouki reached a particular bedroom, where he saw a large portrait of a woman. It was aged, the surface riddled with cracks, but the woman’s face was still intact.

Definitely a royal. She wore a beautiful, jewel studded-crown, earrings, and necklace, wearing an extravagant dark azure dress. Cradled in her arms, though, was a large bouquet that nearly overflowed with the amount of flowers that were in it. Roses, orchids, lilacs, lilies, irises, in shades of red and purple and blue. And hanging on the vines above her head, were the elusive wisterias.

Her face, though, was what caught Mamoru’s attention. Framed by long, loose, golden locks of hair that stood out amidst the cool colours. Her blue eyes locked with those of whoever was viewing her, provoking. Her face was youthful, full of life, and she had the audacity to _smirk_.

Mamoru didn’t know who this woman is, but he felt as if she had challenged him, and he was losing.

“Who is this?” He asked Kouki casually.

“A queen who once lived here,” Kouki replied, and they left it at that.

Next, Kouki showed Mamoru the spacious kitchen, where he was greeted by the scent of smoke and fresh herbs.

"I'd never have guessed you were such a good cook!" Mamoru said. “I feel like I’m the one who’s supposed to be doing the cooking, here.” _Because I’m the human…_

“Don’t worry. It’s always been a pastime of mine," Kouki smiled, a row of teeth showing. "It's harder to cook using these," he rubbed his oversized fingers together, “And the antlers often get in the way… but I'm getting used to it."

Mamoru giggled sheepishly. "I can't cook to save my life, so I'm glad you can manage cooking with paws!"

"You can't be that bad."

“You’d be surprised.” Mamoru shuddered.

“There’s a well here,” said Kouki, leading Mamoru outside, “And a garden, where I grow all the vegetables and herbs for the food."

Mamoru furrowed his brows, but stayed silent. The air was chilly, and he could see the first traces of snow piling on the ground. Plants shouldn’t be able to grow in this weather. And yet, there they were, green and fertile.

“That’s great.” he settled on that.

Absent-mindedly, Mamoru reached out to remove one of Kouki’s antler-plants that was hanging over his right eye. He felt Kouki almost recoil, but held still as Mamoru

“It was blocking your eyesight.” Mamoru explained.

Kouki nodded. “I really need to remove them. But they're a little hard to reach.” He shook his head, and bits of leaves and flower petals floated down. “They’re a bit heavy, too."

“I think you look nice with them.” Mamoru blurted out.

“Eh?”

“Makes you look, uh, friendlier? Prettier? But if you want them removed, I’ll help you, of course!!” Mamoru said, a little too quickly.

Kouki paused. “Then, it’s alright, they can stay.”

“Are you sure? You said it yourself that they were heavy?”

“It’s alright, if they make me look less threatening.” Kouki looked away.

“Oh.” Mamoru nodded. “Okay.”

The two eventually reached the end of the little tour, and stood at the main hall in front of the castle’s front doors.

“And now, for some boundaries.” Kouki’s tone turned stern.

Mamoru straightened up. “Yeah?"

“You can go anywhere in this castle that is clean,” Kouki said. “I’d rather you not go to the west wing, as there are still lots of thornbushes. Everywhere else is fine. But, do not go to the west wing."

He looked at Mamoru’s eyes, with a primal, pointed stare, and Mamoru was very much reminded that the creature in front of him could, at any point in time, tear his defenseless body into shreds.

Mamoru didn't understand why he was being so secretive, though.

“Noted.”

* * *

As the sun was slowly setting, they went back to the same bedroom Mamoru found himself in on the first day. He sat cross-legged on the warm sheets, and Kouki was sitting pliantly on the floor in front of him.

They had both bathed, and smelled like flowers. Mamoru had gotten changed into a pristine white tunic with intricate golden embroidery from the castle's wardrobes. Kouki also gave him a small blue ribbon to tie his hair with, and Mamoru felt like he had risen up the social ladder by a mile.

Kouki initiated. "Could you tell me a story?"

Mamoru took out his lute, mentally went through his repertoire, and strummed up a set of chords. Quick, almost urgent.

“Once, when I was lost in a forest, I saw a family of wolves.” He was putting on his storyteller's voice, a little low and hushed, suspenseful. One that would pique interest.

He started to sing.

Mamoru had told this story multiple times, as it was one of his earlier songs. He weaved the familiar scene, the practiced melody and lyrics. Kouki was entranced, his large ears pointed upwards. His head was slightly leaning forward.

Once, when he was lost in a forest, he saw a family of wolves. He heard gunshots, smelled blood and death.

A small, surviving group was cowering in the bushes, collectively holding their breath. The hunters turned around to leave, with fur pelts slung over their shoulders, and the wolves' glares bore holes onto their backs.

They desired revenge, and hunted their killers back to their homes. They bared their teeth, seething with rage. It was all for naught, however, the guns sound again, a bullet ran through one’s chest, and they must flee, before anyone else could die.

They will return, the wolves must run. Run as fast as they could. Run, even as their wounds bled out, even when their legs could carry them no further. They ached and ached, but they wanted to live—they needed to live. The territories need to be guarded, the children need to be protected.

The hunters’ footsteps followed them wherever they went. If they were fast enough, they could escape. Beyond the mountains, untouched by mankind, they would be safe.

“ _Risk your life and leave everything behind!_  
Eradicate and fight together  
You’re going to live!"

The night fell, the moon up high in the sky. The wolves didn’t stop. Howls echoed here and there, a constant encouragement through the pain. A reminder of the sanctuary ahead, if they could only endure and survive. Don’t stop! Just a little more.

" _Run, bask in the light of the moon!_  
_Howl, reflect on this life!_ "

It was a harsh final note, with no note to be left ringing. Cut through the air like a blade, letting a deafening silence fill the space.

When Kouki finally spoke up, his voice was soft. “Was that a real story?”

Mamoru’s lips curved into a smile. “Was it, now?” He took a small notebook out of his satchel, flipped through it quietly. “I've written plenty of songs. They may not always paint a picture of entirely real events, but they are telling the truth. The truth of my feelings, my memories. Embodied in story and song.”

“But there’s also no harm in some imagination! Thrilling, dramatic tales.” Mamoru continued going through his notes. "Magical travellers on a flying ship, sailing through the sea of stars at night in search for a new world filled with hope. A gripping forbidden romance, where a couple puts their lives on the line for their true love. Or,” Mamoru grinned, “A lonely, noble beast living in an castle. With a mane of spun gold, his great antlers gilded with blossoms. Immense claws that could be strong, but gentle at the same time. A petrifying roar that masked the tenderest voice."

At Mamoru’s elaborate description, Kouki dipped his head down and stared at the floor, flustered.

“But ultimately, my songs are about hope.” Mamoru sighed. “After all, it is what kept me going, even after I lose everything. All the fantastic imagery, the allusions to my memories, only serve the theme of hope."

"I see. Is that why you're so optimistic?"

"People say it's my one redeeming quality, after all."

"...Don't say that. You're a good person."

"I'm glad you think so."

A beat of silence.

"Mamoru, have you ever thought of settling down?"

That took Mamoru aback. "Huh?"

"Aren't you lonely?" Kouki was fidgeting with his shirt. "Have you ever thought of, perhaps, marrying, creating a home, a family?"

Mamoru shrugged. "Being a musician isn't exactly the most stable job out there. When I was out there, moving from home to home, people treated me kindly, but no one got particularly attached to me. And it was understandable, they're not obligated to take in a stranger."

Kouki was listening intently, so Mamoru decided to continue. "Music is all I have. You saw it yourself, I don't have any other skills. But as long as I have the hope to survive, and my music can bring joy to others' hearts, I suppose that's good enough for me?"

“What about _your_ own joy?"

“When I see the happiness of others, I can’t help but feel them like it’s my own.”

Kouki ended the conversation with his cryptic silence.

The sky had turned dark. Kouki drew the curtains over the window. They exchanged their ‘good night's, and Kouki closed the door behind him, leaving Mamoru in the dark, save for a single candle lit at the bedside.

Mamoru had told Kouki almost everything about himself. But he felt like he didn't know Kouki any better since the night they first met.

_I guess there's no need for him to tell me everything, if he doesn't want to._

_I'm just a guest, after all._

Until winter's end; that was their deal, wasn't it? After that, Mamoru would leave the castle for good.

Mamoru did not belong in a pompous castle. He loved the fresh air of the wilderness, being under the clear blue skies, feeling the breeze’s embrace. The natural wonders that constantly inspired him to create more music.

However, without anywhere for him to call home, he did feel lonely every now and then.

He thought of the humble orphanage at his old village. It was hardly the most comfortable place, but it was brimming with love and warmth. Out of a desire not to burden the hardworking caretakers, and perhaps out of shame, he had willingly left upon reaching adulthood, despite not having any plans going forward.

Mamoru stumbled into his vagabond lifestyle by pure chance.

_What do I want?_

Truth be told, he didn’t know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Howl_ translation by [llamalikesarah.](https://llamalikesarah.wordpress.com/2015/09/05/tsukipro-growth-howl/)
> 
> i feel real cheesy rn


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The west wing.

Mamoru had spent a whole three nights in Kouki’s castle.

Though Kouki had shown him around a while back, Mamoru was still itching to explore everything. What could he say, that’s just his way of life.

A confining castle, grand as it could be, just wasn’t the same as traversing the green labyrinths of forests, following the rushing noise of water to colossal waterfalls with rainbows arching over it, or the stunning bird’s-eye view from the mountains.

Over three nights, though, Mamoru had come to appreciate the finer details of the castle. There was beauty to be found in everything, after all. He imagined the castle in its former glory, where it would be filled with people, and royal guards walk back and forth, keeping a watchful eye. The ballrooms would be filled with people in the most extravagant dresses, a live orchestra would play music, and everyone would dance.

Mamoru hadn’t actually seen a royal ball. He assumed it would be something like that, from the stories.

He had been to a village, though, where the people welcomed him to a humble, outdoor party at night, once finding out he had a lute and could sing. They sat around a merry bonfire, under the twinkling stars. He’d learned and played along to the local folk songs, before the villagers made him play some of his own.

Mamoru was happy to oblige. That night, he sang _Howl_ , _Lucretia_ , and the ever-beloved _Rudder Qiana_. The people cheered, sang along, and danced.

That was a long time ago, though, the villagers probably didn’t remember him and have moved on.

Well, back on the topic of the castle, Mamoru spent the entire day looking at every possible nook and cranny of the place, but his mind couldn't help but return to the one place he wasn't supposed to go.

 

* * *

 

_This was probably a mistake._

After an uneventful day, nearing midnight, Mamoru found himself outside his assigned bedroom wearing his cloak and holding a candle. He and Kouki had exchanged their goodnights, so it’s safe to assume that he would be asleep. Kouki never was the type to stay up late.

That was the fourth night, and Mamoru still hadn’t learned anything about Kouki’s past. He was sweating bullets as he made his way to the west wing, acutely aware that he wasn’t supposed to do this. Curiosity got the better of him, though. Only time would tell if this curiosity would kill him.

Mamoru wanted to know Kouki better, he really did. But if Kouki was going to be so secretive all the time, this… friendship? Wasn’t going to work.

Indeed, the west wing was completely filled with foliage, and it also had some sinister-looking thorny plants like Kouki said. Except, there’s still ample space for him to move in. Mamoru could see someone Kouki’s size having trouble getting through without any sort of plant-shearing, but the way Mamoru was that time? He was just right.

So it wasn’t such a dangerous place, after all.

In the west wing, Mamoru saw a small door, which had a handle covered in vines. When he inched closer, the vines dispersed suddenly, slithering away like little green snakes.

 _Well, I got this far._ He placed his hand on the handle and pressed.

It wasn’t locked. The door creaked loudly as it opened, and Mamoru hoped it hadn’t woken anyone up. He poked his head inside, seeing all darkness, before moving in the mystery room with the candle.

The room was a small, shabby library, that looked more like a personal study.

There were traces of destruction, as if something had thrashed the entire place. A lot of the books were displaced, scattered on the floor, some were open.

A wooden desk stood at the center of the room, with a few worn-out books, and a single framed portrait, surprisingly intact. The size made it suitable to be hung on the wall, like every other painting in the castle, but there it was, on the desk, taking up a lot of space.

Mamoru subdued an underlying feeling of guilt from snooping and held the painting under candlelight to better observe it.

It was a family portrait of sorts, but with only one parent. A mother, embracing her child tightly, eyes closed in bliss, and the largest smile. The young boy in her arms, stared at Mamoru awkwardly, cheeks squished from his mother’s hug, looking like he didn’t know what to do or how to react. That gaze seemed familiar. Actually, everything about the portrait seemed familiar. Mamoru blew at the painting’s surface, sending a cloud of dust flying. Once the colours brightened up a little, Mamoru saw gold.

The mother was the same woman who smirked at him from the painting in one of the bedrooms. But what a different face was she showing here! An expression of pure, simplistic joy, overflowing with warm affection. It almost seemed vulnerable.

Then there was the son. He had brilliant, steel-blue eyes, and his mother’s shining golden hair. And even with that shy, awkward face, his appearance still carried an air of dignified elegance. The two seemed to be in a brightly lit garden of sorts, surrounded by flowers.

Something flew past him, snapping him back to reality, and Mamoru yelped, nearly dropping the candle and the painting. He dared himself to look, and saw the flying object perched on a nearby bookshelf. When the candle illuminated it properly, Mamoru saw that it was an uprooted plant. A pachira, to be exact. It was quite small, and could easily fit in Mamoru’s arms. It didn’t settle into any soil, or any pot or vase, though.

_How unsettling…_

One of its leaves twitched, like an animal’s ears would, and Mamoru nearly squealed again. The plant stretched its naked roots like tiny legs, and nonchalantly fluttered its muted green leaves to fly across the room, going over Mamoru’s head. It landed on the opposite bookshelf.

 _Dear god_ , Mamoru shuddered. _It’s sentient._

Might as well, though.

“Do you talk?”

No response. Despite its lack of eyes, Mamoru felt as if it was looking at him like he’s lost his mind. Or perhaps it was just his overactive imagination.

Mamoru picked up one of the books from the floor, which were heavier than he expected. He flipped through the yellowed pages, some torn.

The language was strange and unrecognizable to him. He picked up another book, then another, and they were all written in the incorrigible language. Were these books from a place so far away, that the language had changed so drastically? Mamoru never got that far.

But then, he saw blotches of black ink on a few pages. Splashed around clumsily written words. Words he could understand.

Mamoru scanned some of the handwritten words. _Unsafe_. _Unpredictable side effects_. _Just a pain to draw_. _Don’t use. Ever_.

Strange circles with strange lines were doodled all over the pages, some the same circle with multiple pitiful attempts. A few more pages ahead, though, were those circles, proper and symmetrical, printed on entire pages. Mamoru realized they weren’t decorative circles at all. He snapped the book shut, puffing out dust. The leather cover had only words written in the foreign language. It might not be a language at all.

_Are these… magic tomes?_

An ear-splitting roar tore through the air, and Mamoru dropped the book, recoiling from the sound. A thundering sound of hooves, and a clawed paw tore through the library door.

Mamoru threw himself to the floor, bringing up the hood of his cloak, staying as low and small as possible.

It was Kouki, of course. The door broke into splinters as his claws bursted through it.

_”Mamoru!! What are you doing?!"_

Mamoru remained on the floor. “Um,” he tried to keep his voice even. “Exploring.” He felt Kouki’s presence right above him.

“I told you not to go here!”

“Why?” Mamoru dared himself to look up. “I can make it here safely, the thornbushes pose no danger to me at all, and you said the plants were the reason I can’t go here."

When Kouki didn’t answer, <em>his silence is exasperating as usual</em>, Mamoru dared himself to talk back.

“There’s more than enough time to clean the west wing for the past four nights. Are you hiding something?"

Kouki stepped back, all his fearsome traits dissipating. “I-“

 _This wasn’t right_. “I’m sorry.” Mamoru cut in, held up his hands. “I just wanted to know more about you, since I’ll be staying here for a while, you know? I wanted, I thought, I thought we were friends. Because I told you everything you wanted to know about me. I think you're the only living being who knows that much about me.” _I'll be eating those words if it turned out he never saw me as a friend at all_.

Kouki swallowed. “We…” he began, but didn’t continue.

He was at a loss of words, and Mamoru watched him closely, wondering if he had taken it a step too far.

“I lied to you,” Kouki admitted, in the most pitiful expression his face could muster.

“About what?” Mamoru frowned. “I knew you were hiding something, but I didn’t think you’d outright lie."

“You can’t stay here until the end of winter. Only until the end of the year.”

“That’s it?” The end of the year was roughly two weeks away, if Mamoru’s memory hadn’t failed him.

"Mamoru, do you believe in magic?” Kouki asked instead.

Mamoru swept his gaze over Kouki's inhuman figure. “Well. Looking at you, I kind of have to, don't I?”

“Yes, this…” Kouki gestured to his body. “Was caused by a magical curse. I used to be human, just like you.”

Mamoru sat down on the only, worn-out chair in the room, processing Kouki’s words. He wasn’t too surprised magic was involved. “What happened, then?” He placed the candle on the desk.

Kouki sighed, and moved to sit on the floor, clearing up dusty books in the way. Mamoru had a feeling this was going to be long.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Long live the Queen.

Once, there was a rich and prosperous kingdom.

The last ruler, King Akito, fell in love with a woman called Ayano, and had her be the Queen.

Queen Ayano was... eccentric, to say the least. She always had that strange aura about her, her head was always in the clouds, and her problem-solving methods were often questionable, but in the end, she always meant well.

The King and Queen were beloved by the people. They had one son, the sole heir to the throne.

Prince Kouki Etou.

 

Mamoru's mouth was agape. He sputtered. "K-ko-"

"Yes." Kouki interrupted.

 

Ayano was a doting mother. She loved her son very much, and was determined to keep him safe. She was extremely protective, and never let the Prince go anywhere alone. Though her general attitude was flighty, she became uncharacteristically serious whenever her son was involved. In addition to that, the subject of magic. Not many could tell at first glance, but she always had a brief flash of terror in her eyes whenever magic was mentioned in passing.

It turned out that Queen Ayano was a sorceress who had left her wild and dangerous magic-practicing days behind. She was brave and feisty, picking fights with everyone she met, experimenting with her skills, always aimed to increase her strength. After an incident that nearly took her life, she decided to run away, and assumed a new identity as a regular, very much un-magical, woman.

The Queen told no one about her past but her son, as she noticed that he had inherited some of her knack for magic. It was said that on the day of his birth, all the flowers in the castle collectively bloomed.

Ayano primarily dealt with green magic. She commanded the plants and forests from leaf to root. She could make them grow rapidly into gigantic sizes. She was so strong, that she once boasted about how she could summon gargantuan roots as thick as the castle towers and bring the entire castle down to rubble.

But she would never do it, because she had left that life behind. She loved Akito, and she loved her son. That and also, the people's relationship with magic was complicated. Revealing herself as a sorceress, a _witch_ , would likely put her life in great danger.

True to her self-made promise of being a regular woman, she had no intention of casting any more spells or teaching her son magic.

Well, maybe she broke it a little, because the kingdom was especially known for its abnormally fertile earth ever since Ayano became queen. That was certainly something she would do. Because of her stealthy support, the kingdom flourished, and a lot of travelers even came from afar to see the legendary, lush soil.

It wasn't the soil, though. It's the plants.

 

"Did you not think it strange, Mamoru, that the crops in the garden could flourish like so, in winter?"

"I did notice that!" Mamoru clapped his hands in satisfaction. "So that was because of the Queen?"

"She's gone now, and all her magic went with her. How the gardens are now, it's because of me."

"I thought she never taught you anything?"

"She never did, so what little magic I have with me, I cannot control. It's all unconscious."

"That is... so cool," Mamoru's mind was soaring.

 

Though she was relatively honest with her son, the Queen still had skeletons in her closet she kept a secret from all.

The Prince was seventeen when it all happened, and it was on the Queen's birthday. An invasion, but not an ordinary one. It was led by a powerful sorceress who desired revenge. She was out for Ayano's blood, and the destruction of everything she held dear.

The sorceress casted a curse. The King and the Prince turned into feral beasts, who went on chaotic rampages. The skies rained fire, there was smoke and death everywhere. She intended to destroy the kingdom and wipe all memory of it left.

Ayano engaged the invader head-on, using her magic again after so many years. They were locked in a violent magical battle, the sorceress conjuring great pillars of fire, Ayano retaliating with all the force of the earth, all the magical prowess she had suppressed, madly unleashed, including the gigantic roots she liked to quip about. She was not ready. She had to fight in her crown and gown. It was astounding, that she did as well as she did, with no preparation at all.

 

"I didn't know how the duel went exactly," Kouki whispered. "I was a little, um, preoccupied at that time. But Queen Ayano won. She ended up fatally wounded, though.")

 

The Queen had little time left to live. She couldn't find her husband. The castle was going to collapse.

She did, however, find her changed son, with unseeing eyes, and didn't recognize her.

 

* * *

  

_"Kouki!"_

_The beast roared, teeth bared. Stomped around on four legs, snarling. He seemed to hesitate, watching Ayano closely, judging, or thinking. He circled around her, but didn’t attack._

_There was still hope._

_Ayano traced a sigil with her finger, chanting arcane words. Blinding light shot at the mad beast from above, making him screech. The stream of light unrelented, until the beast's animalistic noise transformed into a distinctly human cry._

_Ayano was exhausted. Her knees gave in. She dropped onto the charred earth, coughed up blood. Clutched the wound on her chest, summoning every last ounce of energy for any kind of healing spell._

_She couldn't. She was entirely spent._

_The beast groaned and shook his head. He blinked a few times and saw the shaking body in front of him._

_"Mother?!"_

_He spoke. He recognized her. Her eyes shone, and her lips quirked into one of her bright smiles, when she heard his voice. Everything was all right._

_"Kouki, my son, please, listen to me!" Ayano grabbed Kouki's canid head, holding it in place as she knelt on the ground. Her expression turned back into concern._

_"Look at yourself! You've been cursed!" She said urgently. "It's strong. I don't have any power left, Kouki. I can't break it, but I've alleviated it." Her grip tightened. "You have five years. Five years! To find a way to break it. Listen to me, Kouki, if you can't break it by the end of the fifth year, you'll turn feral. You'll lose all trace of humanity left. You won't be able to speak. You won't be able to think!"_

_Ayano coughed violently. "T-the castle will stand strong for another five years. Look through my tomes in the hidden library. You might find a way to lift the curse," she pointed at the castle, which had stopped falling apart. "I've set up a barrier in this area. Do not reveal yourself to ordinary humans. They will hunt you and kill you, like they did with your father."_

_Kouki's paws caught her as her body tipped back and fell._

_Ayano rasped. "Live and be safe, Kouki."_

_She drew her final breath._

_A bed of purple hyacinths bloomed where Kouki had buried her._

 

* * *

 

"It's almost the end of the fifth year, and I never found a way to break the curse." Kouki said, in that usual reserved tone of his, but Mamoru could tell he was frustrated. He flung a nearby tome at the wall with such force, it made Mamoru jump. "The barrier Ayano put up prevented me from leaving the area. So I can't go around to look for help, and people would attack me if they saw me, anyway."

Kouki hung his head and brought his paws to his eyes. "I've attempted every spell, every ritual I found in these tomes. They either went wrong, or didn't work at all."

That explained all the deformed plants littered around the library. And the flying pachira.

"That's why," Kouki said. "You must leave at the end of this year, because I'm going to turn feral, and I won't be able to recognize you. My humanity will disappear. I'll turn to an _animal_."

The words sank in, and Mamoru wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. The one time he stayed for more than a night, the one time a stranger wanted him to stay, the _one time_ he got attached, _this happens--_

 _You should have told me_ , was what Mamoru nearly said, but he held his tongue.

"I'm sorry," Kouki said quietly, at Mamoru's silence. "I was selfish. When you first played your song that night, I felt safe. Like there was a strong, but gentle warmth. It was, it sounded hopeful. I wanted to hear more of it."

Mamoru's head spun.

_That’s it, isn’t it? I’m just here to fill an emotional gap? Temporary company?_

_He was so kind to me. He cared for me and fed me and sheltered me and he listened to all my stories with the utmost attention. Did he care for me at all, then? I’m still just a fleeting entertainment to everyone I meet. Is that it? I'm still useless, I’m really nothing without my music, I’m never going to be good enough for everyone, I’m useless—_

He lightly slapped himself, startling Kouki a little. _Mamoru!_ he chastised himself mentally, _Snap out of it! You chose this way of life yourself! Kouki’s dying in two weeks! But still..._

"So it's my songs?” He hated how cold he sounded.

"It's _you_ ," Kouki lifted his head. "I... I really admire you, Mamoru. You've been through so much, but you're so kind, and you're so full of hope, and despite everything you still smile. You still want to make others happy.” His voice escalated. “Your songs are really beautiful, Mamoru! But they're just an extension of you. You’re beautiful in the first place."

He said it so earnestly, and so innocently. In any other context, Mamoru would’ve thought he was being proposed to.

“I’m sorry,” Kouki apologized again. “I should have just told you from the start, so you don't have to carry all this baggage, _my_ baggage. But, I…”

He turned his head away. “Nevermind. It’s no excuse. I, um, you can leave, Mamoru. I’m not going to stop you."

Mamoru stood up, marched towards Kouki. He reached out both of his hands to grab Kouki's muzzle and slowly turn his head back to face him.

"Kou, listen to me."

Kouki stared at him, blue irises into Mamoru’s light brown.

Mamoru shook him lightly. "I will do my best to make the next two weeks the best time you’re ever going to have in your life."

It was the first time Mamoru felt Kouki's fur. It felt rough and velvety under Mamoru's fingers, thick and warm. He stroked the top of the muzzle gently, once, and let go.

"I am _not_ going to let you live out the last moments of your life in loneliness," said Mamoru. "I'll help you find a way to break the curse. And if I can't do that, I'll sing until I can sing no more."

"Why are you doing this?" Kouki asked, voice hushed.

"As long as I can help, I would never ignore someone in need." Mamoru strengthened his resolve. "Of course, I'd rather have you be honest with me from the start, but nevermind! What's important is that I have the ability to help you right now, and I _want_ to help you. So, Kou. I’m staying."

Mamoru stepped back, and stretched out his arms. Kouki only stared dumbfoundedly at the gesture. Mamoru suppressed a giggle, and took matters into his own hands, throwing himself towards Kouki to wrap him in a hug.

Kouki was tall. Mamoru could only reach his torso, and his arms couldn’t even wrap around him entirely. He debated letting go when a few moments went by without Kouki reacting, but at the last second, a large paw crept around his back and pressed, returning the hug.

Mamoru could hear Kouki's heart beating in his chest. A human heartbeat, that matches his own.

They stayed like that for a while, neither relenting, but eventually...

"There's one last room you haven't seen." Kouki said, letting go first. "Just below this library."

 

* * *

 

It seemed like another ballroom— _god knows how many the castle has—_ , and the doors creaked loudly as Kouki pushed them open.

Mamoru trailed behind him, candle in hand.

The room was in terrible condition. Unlike the rest of the castle, which regained their splendor with a little cleaning, parts of the ballroom were irreversibly damaged. There's glass and debris scattered on the floor, holes on the ceiling, and, of course, dark green overgrowth planting their roots everywhere they could reach. Maybe Mamoru was seeing things, but he could've sworn they collectively rustled as Kouki entered the room.

Kouki led Mamoru to a large, covered object at the center of the room. He tugged at the fabric cover and pulled it off, revealing the item underneath in a flurry of dust and dry leaves.

A grand piano.

Mamoru made a slightly embarassing noise of awe. Kouki made a small smile, lifted up the piano's lid and propped it up. He took the candle from Mamoru's hands.

"Go ahead."

The candlelight cast a golden glow over the piano. Mamoru marvelled at the intricately carved decorations on its wood, how the open lid revealed all the inner machinations of the instrument, laid out in the open. He sat down on the bench, caressed the familiar black and white keys.

He still remembered, even after all those years.

"C, D, E..."

On top of the piano, next to the music rack, was another object. Mamoru picked it up and blew off the dust.

"A metronome," he showed Kouki, who looked on in silent interest. A wooden one, with a wind-up key.

Mamoru turned the key a few times, before placing it back on the piano.

_Tick,_

_tick,_

_tick,_

_tick._

A melody came to him, simple as that, and he started to play.

 

* * *

 

It was hardly complete, and Mamoru’s piano skills were rusty. _But I think I managed to get the feeling through._

“What song was that?” Kouki asked him.

“Made it just now, in a bout of inspiration.” Mamoru shrugged. “I’ll call it… _as time goes on_.”

He turned off the metronome.

“Time and memories. I thought about a lot of things. My childhood, my late parents. All that they went through to protect me. Their hopes and wishes for me. Their fatal accident. Me, at the orphanage. Me, running away to wander the world. And now, me, here with you, and also... your mother, and you.”

“It’s a beautiful song,” said Kouki. “And so poignant…”

“It has a lot of love.” Mamoru smiled wistfully. “Kou?”

“Yes?”

“Would you like to try singing?”

“M-me? I never learned...”

“When you spoke, I said you had a nice voice. I still stand by that, you know? Your voice is lovely, and I think you have a lot of potential!” Mamoru’s eyes sparkled.

“I… I guess there’s no harm in trying.”

“That’s great!” Mamoru grabbed Kouki’s paw. “When I’m done with it, we can sing the song together. It’ll be amazing!"

“Okay.” Kouki brought up his other paw and tenderly closed it around Mamoru’s fingers. “It’s late, Mamoru. Let’s go back."

And go back they did, paw-in-hand.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A warm winter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a fun fact... the only reason I use Kouki instead of Koki in this fic is because koki means chef in indonesian (coincidentally in-character) and it somewhat breaks my immersion if I see it fjfjdkslsldh

“Mamoru.”

The man in question groaned. “Nnnnnn.”

“Have you ever seen a sunrise in winter?”

“Nnnnot really.”

Winter was a pain. Mamoru would hibernate if he could.

“Come outside and let’s see the sunrise together.” Kouki’s gentle voice, beckoning him like that, was really convincing.

Mamoru tightened his hold on the blanket. He was almost completely wrapped in it, with only his burgundy locks of hair sticking out. “It’s too early…”

“Should I carry you outside?"

“Heh,” Mamoru said, eyes still closed. “Sure, Kou.” He was about to doze off again when—

“W-whoa!!"

—Kouki swiftly lifted him up, blankets and all, into a bridal carry.

Mamoru was forced to open his eyes, then. His heart raced from the sudden movement. Kouki’s paws supported him easily, holding him like he weighed nothing.

“I didn’t think you’d actually do that."

“But you said ‘sure’…?”

Mamoru smiled helplessly. “Do you always wake up this early, Kou?”

“I do. I have to prepare breakfast.”

“I mean, even before I came here?”

“Yes. I’ve been conditioned to sleep proper hours and wake up early since I was a child, you see.”

“Ah.”

“Well then, let’s see the sunrise!” There was a small rise in Kouki’s tone.

The door had been opened. Kouki ducked under the doorway and slipped outside, with the bundled-up Mamoru in his arms.

Mamoru expected Kouki to go straight to the gardens, but instead he took to a tall, spiraling staircase that Mamoru never realized was there.

All Mamoru felt for quite a while was the shaking from Kouki running up in circles, hooves clopping on the stone steps. When he finally reached the last step and pushed the the door in front of it open with his head, the two met a burst of cold air.

The dark blue of the sky was slowly brightening. Looks like they made it just in time.

"This is the castle's tallest tower." Kouki said, panting, his breath visible in the air. "It has the best view!"

"It sure does." Mamoru smiled, taking in the magnificent panorama all around him, with forests and mountains and endless snow, an opaque blue and cloudless sky. Sights like these were why he travelled, right?

He was still nestled against Kouki snugly. If Kouki wanted to put him down, he hadn't said anything.

"The sun's rising!" Kouki said, and Mamoru couldn't help but share his excitement.

Glorious light bled out from the horizon as the sun awoke from its slumber, rising into the sky. Unlike the evening sun, who was peaceful and docile, the morning sun was brash. It forcefully brought on curtains of yellow against blue, filling the sky with light. A booming wake-up call, urging every creature to rise and face the day.

The sun was blinding, asserting its place in the sky. Mamoru could only watch golden hues wash over the vast snowfields, slowly enveloping the scene. Warmth pulsed throughout his body when light fell upon him.

There was a breeze, and a rustle, as the air swayed Kouki's antler-plants and ruffled his fur.

Kouki was absolutely majestic, looking over the landscape like that. His long mane fluttered in the wind, glimmering under sunlight. Like a ruler watching over his kingdom.

There was no more kingdom, though, and there was no more prince. Regardless, even as an inhuman creature, Kouki still had that regal, dignified air. But Mamoru knew that Kouki was also reserved and shy. He, too, was nurturing and kind, cooked great food, and had a way with words so sincere that made Mamoru's heart burst every time he gave one of his passionate compliments.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Kouki said.

“Who—uh? Oh, yeah, it is."

Mamoru swallowed, and returned to looking at the scenery.

They stood, well, _Kouki_ stood there until the entire castle had been drenched in light.

“Kouki,” Mamoru slipped out a hand from under the blanket, tugging at Kouki’s shirt a little. “You can put me down now, it’s alright!”

Kouki giggled a little at that. "Would you rather go down all those stairs yourself?"

Mamoru snapped his mouth shut and settled back into his blanket-nest.

"Relax, Mamoru." There was Kouki's light, gentle voice again. "I'll carry you back."

 

* * *

 

Kouki had caught some rabbits in the wee hours of the morning, and they were the menu for breakfast. Usually, Mamoru would eat in bed. That day was different, though, since he woke up early for once. Kouki had led him to a proper dining table, with two plates and two sets of cutleries on a nice white tablecloth. A vase in the middle, filled with a generous amount of flowers.

“I realized we never really ate together since you came here,” Kouki said. “So I wanted to change that. Please have a seat, Mamoru."

Kouki served the dishes, and sat on the chair opposite to Mamoru’s, a little too hurriedly.

"Thank you for the meal!" Mamoru said.

Kouki nodded, and hesitantly picked up a fork with his left paw. It slipped through his oversized fingers, and after some failed attempts he ended up gripping it with only his thumb and index finger.

"You don't need to do this, you know. I don't mind you eating raw meat," Mamoru said.

"W-well," Kouki said, flustered, "I want to at least try and be more civilized."

"I'm sure you're already more civilized than I can ever be!" Mamoru laughed.

It took a while, until Kouki managed to get comfortable using a fork and a knife to cut the cooked rabbit into pieces and eat them delicately. He looked a little silly, but he was trying so hard, so Mamoru couldn’t help but encourage him.

“You’re doing great!” Mamoru cheered on from across the table. Kouki’s face flushed.

They ate until not a single morsel was left on their plates. Kouki collected the dishes, and led Mamoru into the kitchen.

Kouki glanced at Mamoru. "You can handle washing dishes, I hope...?"

"Have a little more faith in me," Mamoru made a strained laugh. “But, yes! I will do my best."

Mamoru held and washed the plates like they were pieces of his own heart. When he miraculously completed the task without messing up anything and presented the clean stack of plates like precious gold, the wide smile on Kouki's face was everything.

 

* * *

 

As usual, the pair returned to Mamoru's room.

"This one is an absolute classic," Mamoru said, lute in hand. " _Rudder Qiana_! My first hit song. It's also very nice to dance to!” He handed his small notebook to Kou, and opened the pages showing the lyrics.

Mamoru began playing. "Here, Kou. I'll sing it once by myself, and then for the second one, try joining in!”

 _"The faces of the stars looked down,_  
_searching for you._  
_Waving towards the east, the couple_  
_said a small farewell."_

Mamoru bobbed his head slightly to the beat. Kouki mimicked his action.

 _”The evening sun set as the moon rose up,_  
_swaying in the breeze_  
_Embrace that miracle in your chest_  
_and continue to walk.”_

Mamoru’s voice lifted. Enter the proud chorus,

 _”Rudder Qiana, Mana Tiarra!_  
_The words that hide weakness_  
_Rudder Qiana, Mana Tiarra!_  
_It always passes through you.”_

_”Ladadada lai wo, ladadada lai he! Ladadada lai wo, ladadada la—i!”_

“Now, let’s repeat that, but you join in!” Mamoru urged, returning to the verse. “Let out your voice, Kou!”

Kouki opened his mouth. “The evening sun set, as the moon rose up…”

Mamoru was strumming his lute from muscle memory alone. The rest of him was completely entranced from hearing Kouki sing for the first time.

“…swaying in the breeze.”

It was as warm and gentle as he imagined it would be, and more. There was a vibrato to the notes he held before they faded elegantly into the air.

“Embrace that miracle in your chest  
and continue to walk."

“You’re a natural.” Mamoru found his breath. “On to the chorus!”

Their voices came together as one. “Rudder Qiana! Mana Tiarra!”

Kouki’s face was bright as he went through the chorus together with Mamoru, who was equally delighted.

“Ah, ah!"

The vocables were always a fun part, where everyone could join in regardless of knowing the lyrics. A pure, instinctive expression. It was no surprise that there, Kouki set his voice free, singing loud and clear.

_“Ladadada lai wo, ladadada lai he!”_

Mamoru would’ve stopped singing right there to whistle in awe, perhaps, but he had to keep the song going. Kouki had a brilliant high voice. Mamoru adjusted his melody, and together, their voices created a pleasant harmony. Kouki seemed surprised at the change, but Mamoru motioned him to keep going.

Kouki became more relaxed, until he was unrestrained, swinging his head to the flow of the song, sending leaves from his antlers flying, and singing at the top of his lungs. Mamoru’s heart was soaring from seeing this side of Kouki, from feeling their voices converge as one, from Kouki’s sheer joy from singing the song that he made...

Mamoru guided Kouki through the next verses, letting Kouki sing the melody while he provided the harmonies.

Mamoru finished off the song with an arpeggio on his lute. That ended up being more intense than he had expected. He was exhausted. Kouki was exhausted. But judging from the look on his face, he enjoyed every second of it.

“Your voice is amazing, Kou.” Mamoru laughed. “Are you sure you’re not some trained singer?”

“No,” Kouki grinned, “I only learned just now, from the best singer and composer I’ve ever known.”

“Ahaha…” Mamoru lowered his head, trying to hide his blush.

The sky was already dark. Who knew simply having a friend around to talk to could make time go by so quickly. Soon, he and Kouki had to be back in their own bedrooms.

Maybe he could change that. Kouki already made the move so that they’ll eat meals together from then on. Mamoru steeled himself and spoke.

“Ah… I want to, can I stay with you tonight? As in, together, in a room? You know? Not separately, eh...“ Regret.

“Sure.” Kouki said, surprising Mamoru. “It does get quite lonesome being all by myself at night. I don’t mind sharing a room."

“Alright, then," Mamoru fidgeted. "I'll go to your room—"

"I'll go to your room—" Kouki, at the same time—

—Both of them fell silent.

“Um, what about we go to the one with more space?” Mamoru suggested.

In the end, Kouki’s place it was. His bedroom was a little more secluded, located deeper inside the castle. Mamoru placed his lute and satchel next to the bed, and looked around.

Kouki's room was indeed larger, with a pure-white canopy bed. It had a sense of orderly chaos to it, with a pile of pillows arranged in an odd manner. It looked very, very comfortable. Mamoru wondered how Kouki slept. If he were to lie on his back, those antlers would surely get in the way.

There were plants growing on the ceilings and down the walls, but at that point Mamoru had accepted that plants would always be present in every corner of the castle. There was a tidy desk, positioned so that light from the window would fall on it during the day. On it, a few books on botany, quills and ink, a small clock, and a stack of papers. Mamoru snuck a peek, and saw that they were full of numbers. Most were crossed out.

 _He's counting days..._ Mamoru froze when he saw that only ten numbers were left unmarked. Ten days until the end of the year.

"We're sharing the bed, aren't we?" Kouki asked suddenly, snapping Mamoru out of it.

Mamoru averted his eyes from the desk. "O-oh, yes we are."

Kouki gestured towards the pillow-filled bed and smiled. "Go ahead."

Mamoru threw himself onto the mattress in an instant.

"Ahh, this is nice." Mamoru sighed and sank into the pillows. "It makes me feel like a kid again!"

"How so?" Kouki asked, sitting at the edge of the bed.

"I used to have sleepovers at my friends' places when I was little, you see! And also at the orphanage, we sleep together all the time and have a lively chat until late night... It's nice! It’s a precious time where everyone’s having fun without any tension or worry. Sometimes we even have pillow fights."

"Pillow... fights?"

Mamoru made a noise of shock. "You've never had a pillow fight? Do you know what a pillow fight is?"

"No? What do you fight with the pillows?"

Mamoru looked at Kouki with a mixture of amusement and disbelief.

"It goes something like this." Mamoru placed a pillow in Kouki's paws, and grabbed a pillow for himself.

He stood up on the bed, as Kouki watched him in bewilderment. He raised the pillow, and made the gentlest swing towards Kouki's face,

_poof._

A playfully light contact. Kouki's eyes squeezed shut, but he didn't move or flinch.

Mamoru removed the pillow with a grin, and Kouki seemed to get the idea. He swung his own pillow towards Mamoru's face, just as light. _Poof._

"You can swing harder than that!" Mamoru laughed. "I can take it!"

_THWUMP._

Mamoru fell into the bed, bouncing a little from the impact. When he scrambled back up, Kouki had a cheeky smile on his face. Mamoru simply laughed louder in response, swinging a pillow over his head to hit Kouki with greater force.

They cackled uncontrollably like children. At some point, Kouki's antlers pierced one of the pillows, making it explode into a feathery storm, but none of them could be bothered to care.

Eventually, they dropped onto the bed together, panting and giggling.

"Good night, Mamoru." Kouki turned to lie on his stomach. So that was how he slept. _Like a dog._

Thankfully, the bed was large enough for the two of them. "Good night, Kou!" Mamoru pulled the blanket over him and turned over, casually dusting off some stray down feathers.

He glanced at the clock on Kouki's desk.

It ticked softly with each second, faintly, innocently, but grimly reminding Mamoru that time was chasing them.

_Hmm. Let's not think about that._

_For now._

The pillow was soft and warm. Mamoru drifted off into a land of stars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kou not knowing pillow fights referenced from the [drama cds](https://maluridae.dreamwidth.org/53331.html) :D
> 
> rudder qiana english translation by [llamalikesarah](https://llamalikesarah.wordpress.com/2015/06/03/tsukipro-growth-rudder-qiana/)
> 
> and an extremely minor pet peeve on my part: I'm frustrated about how the common spelling is rudder qiana and not rhada kiana


	8. Beast's Interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Does the wanderer long for a day he could travel again, free as a bird?

The past few days have certainly been eventful.

Kouki distinctly remembered that night a stranger appeared in his castle with a torch in hand, and his first thought was—

_—I’m naked!!!_

...That, and fire was dangerous, and the stranger might be out to kill him.

But as it turned out, the visitor was just a lost wanderer with a lute, and a sweet singing voice.

Mamoru’s appearance at the castle was the thing that snapped him back to his senses, after nearly five long years. That he was a _human_ , not an animal. That he has a human’s consciousness and memories. That he can _speak_.

That he _loved_ cooking, and wondered how long it had been since he decided to settle for raw meat.

The castle came alive when Mamoru arrived. Perhaps it was the odd emotional link Kouki had with the plants, but the dull leaves and vines have transformed into brilliant green, and sprouted vivid blossoms. They provided much-needed colour for the otherwise monotonous castle. The garden crops flourished, yielding fresh fruits and vegetables and herbs even in the winter chill.

His head also felt lighter. Kouki used to think the heavy antlers were a nuisance. The plants tangled in them were a nuisance. But since Mamoru liked them, he liked them, too.

He stood only on two legs.

That evening, he and Mamoru went out to watch the sunset. Instead of blankets, this time, Mamoru had proper coat and scarf on, scavenged from the castle’s wardrobes.

Then it happened, right as the sun sank and the sky was overtaken with purple and blue.

_Chirp._

Mamoru gasped. “Do you hear that?”

“A bird, it seems?” Kouki’s ears twitched.

Mamoru got to his feet immediately, and traced the source of the noise all the way to a bush, where he found a small bird lying on the snow. Gleaming blue and red feathers, with a white underbelly. He brushed off the snow covering it, and gently scooped it up into his hands. It was shivering.

“A swallow! But what is it doing here? They’re all supposed to be down at the southern lands.” Mamoru delicately held the shaking bird. It sank its head into its fluffed-up plumage.

To Kouki's surprise, Mamoru handed the bird to him. "Can you hold him, Kou?"

"Me? But..."

"I know you have claws, but your hands should be warmer because they have fur. As long as you're careful, it should be okay!” He sounded confident.

Kouki hesitantly held out both of his hands, and Mamoru gently passed the tiny creature onto his palm. Kouki cupped his hands slightly.

The particularly fearless bird seemed comfortable, and settled snugly on Kouki's paw pads, surrounded by thick fur.

"There you go!" Mamoru said.

"Let's bring it inside," Kouki suggested. "We can warm it by the fireplace."

 

* * *

 

Mamoru and Kouki huddled by the fireplace, the swallow still in Kouki’s large paws. After a while, it stirred, got up onto its feet and chirped.

It hopped a little on Kouki’s hand, before quickly taking wing.

“Oh, it can fly! Where’s it going?” Mamoru followed after the bird. Kouki followed after Mamoru.

It flew up into a corner on the ceiling, and made its way through a curtain of plants. It was quite high up and difficult to see, but the small, muddy, cup-shaped structure stuck on the wall was definitely a swallow’s nest.

“It lives here.” Kouki said, amazed. Considering winter had just started, the newcomer must’ve settled in recently.

The swallow looked down at the both of them from its makeshift throne, chirping proudly.

"You have a contender for the ownership of the castle, Kou!" Mamoru laughed.

Kouki chuckled.

“Still, though. Why is it here?”

The swallows, like the rest of its avian brethren, should have flown to the warmer lands of the south. But this one preferred to stay in the freezing cold by itself.

The lone swallow wasn’t ill, or injured. It had no mate or chicks. It clearly had sufficient energy to fly the route to the south, if the weather were warmer perhaps, but it didn’t bother. It just… stopped.

_Are you glad that you finally stopped moving?_

Was it an outcast? Did it get lost? Lone animals who got separated from their herd, or pack, or flock, usually didn’t survive on their own...

“Maybe it just wanted to be?” Mamoru shrugged, with a smile. “That’s just how things are, sometimes."

“Huh?”

Mamoru watched the swallow snuggle in its nest. “I think it’s cool!”

Kouki tilted his head.

“It looks perfectly at home here,” Mamoru said. “It must’ve thought ‘This is _my_ castle!’ or something. Isn’t that cool?”

Kouki blinked, but nodded slowly. “Is it really?"

“Well,” Mamoru laughed. “I don’t know what a bird would think, but if it were me, I’d think ‘This is where I belong!’ Maybe."

A bird that willingly stopped migrating because it found a place it belonged to… That’s one way to interpret it.

 _Mamoru has a really bright outlook on the world_ , Kouki thought to himself. Despite all the things he’d been through. Resilient optimism and hopefulness. Well, that’s why he’s so special.

“Ah, it’s nighttime already.” Mamoru pointed at the window. “That little swallow actually reminded me of something. Can we… go to that room with the piano?”

“Of course."

 

* * *

 

“This is _Phoenix Nebula_ ,” Mamoru said, placing his notebook on the piano’s music rack, as Kouki held up a candelabra next to him for illumination.

“Phoenix Nebula?” Kouki vaguely recalled seeing those words somewhere, but nothing came to mind.

“Yeah.” Mamoru played some chords. “Well, a lot of this is based off hearsay and imagination, since I’ve never actually seen a phoenix _or_ a nebula.”

Mamoru started playing a light melody, but not singing, yet. “Another traveller told me of this. A phoenix is a legendary fire-bird, that, when it reaches the end of its lifespan, it combusts into flame and turns to ash. But from those same ashes, a new phoenix would be born, and the cycle begins anew.”

He turned to Kouki, smiling. “It’s poetic, isn’t it! I’d love to see something like that. An immortal bird, reborn with every cycle, from the same ashes, but not quite the same bird. Perhaps it grew stronger with each time it rebirths, into something more?”

Kouki nodded thoughtfully.

“And a nebula,” Mamoru stopped playing, and closed his eyes instead. “Well, it’s—it’s just magnificent. It’s sort of a cloud of bright, colourful stardust, that you can supposedly see faintly among the stars, but you can only see it in its full glory when you fly into the night sky and approach it yourself. Just imagine! There in the deep black, a burst of colour. Curtains and pillars of yellow, purple, red, or any other colour! Some say it’s where stars are born, or even where they die!” He gesticulated wildly.

“Then, the vision I created,” Mamoru continued, seemingly in an entranced state, “An ethereal, cosmic fire-bird, its wings like a rainbow in the night. It flew across the seas and mountains of the earth, took to the infinite skies, carrying star trails with it, body made of pure light. It consumes the last of its energy and combusts into a wonderful nebula, exploding into a spectacle of every colour. And from there, a new life, and hope lives on…"

The song started without warning.

 _”Taking a wish toward eternity, toward eternity_  
_at the faraway distance, O Gleaming Bird._  
_Crossing over time, resounding to the world_  
_At the end of the ocean, up high on the heavenly wind."_

Kouki stared and listened, helpless, enchanted.

 _”Embracing solitude toward eternity, toward eternity_  
_Singing praises of love, O Little Bird._  
_Cry aloud and dance elegantly_  
_Hold aloft your rainbow-coloured wings, up high on the sky."_

The abandoned ballroom was dark, with only golden candlelight brightening it. Hardly the every-colour spectacle Mamoru was describing, but at that moment, Kouki could feel his mind take flight. And Mamoru looked very much ethereal, like the stars have enveloped him, like rainbow wings have sprouted from his back, the room bursting with colour as he sang. Kouki could feel his heart bursting with colour, too.

Mamoru's eyes were fixed on the piano keys. He was smiling fondly.

He looked very much at _home_ , at the piano, in the castle, by Kouki’s side.

But the end of the year was approaching quickly.

If Mamoru really did want to stay with him, then Kouki couldn't even give him that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> based on one of [my favourite drama tracks](https://ryota-kunstranslations.tumblr.com/post/178809071415/translation-growth-fushichou-no-nebula-short)! some lines are straight up lifted. I have a lot of feelings ;;
> 
>  
> 
> [fushichou no nebula translation by sharasherenia](https://sharasherenia.blogspot.com/2017/01/lyrics_30.html)


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The days carry on.

“And… there you go!”

Mamoru stepped back and looked at his handiwork proudly. He had braided a small part of Kouki's mane, neatly tied with a ribbon.

Kouki examined his reflection on the dresser mirror. “I like it."

"Would you like to try it yourself?" Mamoru asked.

Kouki hesitated, but carefully took a handful of his mane, parted it into three, and braided it slowly.

In no time, he had made three braids on his mane. The way he weaved his fingers and claws through it was surprisingly delicate.

"How are you better than me already?” Mamoru said lightly.

Kouki brushed it off, and walked to the dining room. It’s time for breakfast.

There was a blue ceramic pot in the middle of the dining table, filled with soil. Mamoru was about to question it, but then a familiar creature flew into the room. The flying pachira.

"I hope you don't mind a guest?" said Kouki. "I almost forgot it was here. I felt bad about locking it up in the library, so I let it out. It would be nice if it would settle properly in a pot, but, well, it has a mind of its own."

The plant hovered over the table, its leaves fluttering. It seemed to examine the pot provided for it, before it made a sharp turn and flew straight into Mamoru’s face.

Mamoru made an unflattering noise as the thin branches and leaves hit him with a _krsk_. He grabbed the sentient plant and pulled it off of him, and it simply twitched its leaves, wiggled its leg-like roots. The cheeky little thing.

"It likes you!" Kouki giggled, a bright and joyful sound, making the whole ordeal absolutely worth it.

The pachira wriggled in Mamoru’s grip, its branches reaching for his face. “Okay, okay. Do you want to cuddle?” Mamoru couldn’t believe he was saying it to a plant, "We can do that later. Right now you need to get in the pot and be a good plant. Alright?"

The pachira obediently flew over into the pot, and planted itself in it. For a brief moment, it looked like an ordinary plant, but then it waved one of its leafy branches, shattering the illusion. Kouki tipped a jug over it, letting fresh water trickle down into the soil, showering the plant. It shivered, at first, but ended up leaning towards the water flow.

“Is it able to grow bigger?” Mamoru asked, taking a seat.

“I’m not sure. It has stayed that size ever since I casted the spell on it.” Kouki served the food, the wild game he had caught early in the morning.

“That’s somewhat cute!”

They chattered all the way through breakfast.

 

* * *

 

 

The two were back in their shared room that night, Mamoru holding the potted pachira in his arms. It had been easily tamed, after receiving an awkward petting. Mamoru just didn’t know where to put his hands. The plant was placed on one of the bedside tables.

Mamoru noticed the castle’s plants seemed more active than usual, that day. There was a vine that intently trailed behind Kouki as he walked, and only stopped solid when the beast turned around. The plants that had made the bedroom’s ceiling their home, seemed to have doubled in size.

Kouki looked flustered, as he tried to wave the excited (?) plants away. He managed to give the plants a very soft reprimanding, and they shrunk.

Mamoru giggled at the sight. “I wish I could do magic.” Then there would be another novelty to him, and perhaps he would be more well-off.

"You already can, in a way." Kouki said. "Your ability to create such rich songs that have a life of their own."

“There you go again, Kou!” Mamoru smiled. But he would never doubt that Kouki’s compliments were sincere. Kouki never said anything he didn’t mean.

“You’re essentially creating your own little universes in each of them. Like… like a god.”

“I think you’re better suited to play the ‘god’ part. You already look like a forest deity! And you were the one who saved me when I first came here, after all,” Mamoru pointed out. “But speaking of gods, do you like stargazing, Kou?” Mamoru walked towards the window.

“Stargazing?” Kouki directed his eyes to the window.

Mamoru was always fascinated by stars. The way they’re always out of reach, beautiful and full of mystery. Driving people to create millions of stories, and always a source of inspiration for Mamoru himself.

Kouki walked up to the window, and pushed it open. The cold night breeze blew in, ruffling his fur. It was a clear night.

“A lot of stories about the stars involve gods. Tales of how constellations were formed are mostly about gods finding things, or people, that they fancied on the earth, and sent them to the heavens, to be immortalized in the form of stars."

“Gods, huh.” Kouki echoed.

“I’m not sure if I entirely believe in them myself, but they sure make a poetic subject for stories!” Mamoru grinned. “I like to think I’m in charge of my own destiny… but sometimes, you just have to go along with what fate has decided for you, you know?” _Like when my parents died. That’s how things are. Sometimes they just happen, and there’s nothing you can do about it._

“I’ve been running my mouth. Do you have any stories of your own, Kou?"

"I'm afraid not," Kouki shook his head. "Well, nothing exciting like yours. The story about Ayano and the curse was the only eventful thing that had ever happened in my life."

"Ah." Mamoru nodded thoughtfully. "Stories don't need to be grand and out there to be exciting, you know? Everything is a tale. A lot of mine came from my imagination anyway."

"I suppose that's true. After all, you can write the most grandiose lyrics for even the most mundane things..."

"That's me!" said Mamoru, laughing sheepishly.

"I meant that as a good thing," Kouki added. "I really love the way you can see beauty in everything. I never paid much attention to the things around me, so... looking at you, it made me want to appreciate the little things more."

"Oh, I'm glad that I made you think so! Even the littlest things are essential!"

"Then... how about this." Kouki began. "My mother was a terrible cook! She can't even crack an egg properly."

Mamoru snorted. "Really? And here I thought you got your skills from her!"

"Not at all." Kouki shook his head. "I learned mostly from the castle's cooks. And for a green witch, it’s surprising that she didn’t know anything about using herbs for cooking. Once, I taught her about it, and she acted like it was the biggest discovery in her life.”

Kouki chuckled, and continued, “Mother never told me anything about her past, but I like to imagine how she was back then. Perhaps she was a wanderer like you, too, Mamoru?”

“Maybe. But instead of telling stories and playing music, she was out there picking fights.” Mamoru huffed. “What a woman!”

“But in the end, after all that, she fell in love and settled down.”

Mamoru pondered it for a bit, still staring at the dark sky.

His parents passed long ago, and that was why he lost his home. The orphanage was his next home, but he fled out of pride. Had all this not happened, would he still be a wanderer? Would he have met Kouki?

Fate was strange.

“Don’t sleep too late, Mamoru.”

“I won’t, don’t worry!"

 

* * *

 

Kouki rose early, too early, the next morning. He felt different. A little queasy. His head hurt. And his chest was throbbing.

The night before, he had dreamed of Mamoru. Dressed in a noble’s clothes, white and blue with hints of gold, standing in the middle of the star-speckled sky, a cape fluttering on his back. He had extended out a hand, the gentlest smile on his face. Asking him for a dance. Kouki was about to take that hand, but the dream was fleeting. When he woke up, his heart felt so full and so empty at the same time.

Kouki's antlers got heavier. Not with leaves, or vines, but with blossoms. He noticed a few of them dangling in front of his vision, strands of vibrant purple. _Wisteria._

_Mamoru is beautiful and kind. He wants to spread hope and joy to the world, even if the world hasn’t been so kind._

_Mamoru's music, is also beautiful. Inside them are wonderful little worlds of its own. He tells far-off tales of seas and stars and things he didn’t quite understand (but the feelings got through nevertheless), of uncertain but hopeful journeys, of enduring love._

Green grass rapidly sprouted out from where his hooves walked the earth. Bold, bulbous heads popped out and bloomed. Red, orange, yellow. _Tulips._ He continued to walk. They keep growing. Shrubs with streams of purple flowers filled the gardens, and he was sure they weren't there before. _Lilac._

_I love him. Could it be?_

_My heart skips a beat when he talks to me, it soars when he sings. When he laughs at every little thing, when the brightness of his smile outshines the sun._

He fled inside the castle. His hooves hit the tiles. There were no flowers. But there on the walls, around the pillars, on the ceiling, from the pots and vases: flowers, practically exploding into full bloom. Petals were flying.

_I love him?_

There he was, still in his nightclothes, but his face was shining. “Good morning, Kou! You’re early as always.”

“Ah, um, yes...”

“There’s so much flowers in the castle lately, and lots of ones I’ve never even seen before! Are you in a good mood?”

“I…?” He cannot hide.

“When I woke up, even, there was a flowering vine right above my head. Not that I mind, though! They're pretty, and they smell nice."

Kouki froze.

_I love him!_

_But he doesn't love me._

Mamoru dropped the topic. They went about on their day. The usual.

There in the west wing, the thornbushes stirred.

_...who could ever love a beast?_

They bloomed together, in a chorus of red roses.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's always time for a dance.

There was an ominous rumbling, piercing through the winter’s silence. Kouki knew what it is. The noise stayed a constant presence, ringing in his ears, as much as he wished to ignore it.

The castle was collapsing. Slowly, but surely. The plants had sensed his anxiety, and helpfully moved to cover up every hole and crack in the wall. Kouki muttered graces under his breath. For better or worse, his feelings towards Mamoru had greatly amplified his magic.

Kouki was losing sleep. The castle’s condition worried him, the plants growing exponentially quickly, growing unruly, worried him.

He got up when the sky was still dark, removed some of the plants from his antlers (that grew heavier and heavier), and flipped through the papers on his desk to see how many days he had left.

 _Three days, starting from today._ Kouki crossed out a number with ink. He glanced at the bed, where Mamoru was still sleeping like a log, with a peaceful look on his face. Still on his little flying boat with a sail made of stars, drifting through a cosmic stream.

Doing chores was always a pleasant activity. Kouki remembered his mother's dumbfounded look upon finding out this un-noble-like domestic hobby, and it always made him chuckle. Cleaning took his mind off of things. Cooking was calming and therapeutic. He revisited the castle's many uninhabited rooms, stress-cleaning, just to distract himself from thinking. Kouki reached a particular room, and found a full wardrobe, with old, dusty sets of clothing.

Ah. No wonder Mamoru's dream attire looked so familiar. The white shirt with golden accents, the dark trousers, the blue sash, belt, and cape, they were right there. He had subconsciously dressed Mamoru in it. The garments look like they had seen better days, though, the once rich blue had darkened and dulled, and the gold was faint. However, examining the size of the clothes, Kouki thought it would fit Mamoru just fine.

Kouki supposed it's a good time for a wash. He cleaned out the wardrobe, took the clothes, heated some water and poured it into a basin. He picked dog cloves from the garden and added them in. Some rose petals, too, for good measure. He began washing the garments carefully, with practiced motions, as he had trained himself to keep his claws from tearing anything.

As it was freezing outside, the rinsed clothes were hung to dry inside the castle, in front of a particularly well-lit window near a fireplace. Kouki hoped for the best.

The barrier-protected forest surrounding the castle was slowly losing life. The ground had been entirely covered in snow, and it got increasingly harder to hunt for prey. Ayano's spell that had been cast over the place, that kept it green and alive, was weakening.

Kouki managed to catch a few squirrels who were miraculously still up and running, and rushed back into the castle before sunrise.

When he swung the bedroom door open, Mamoru was awake, sitting on the bed, with the potted pachira in his hands. He was crooning to it and ruffling its leaves affectionately, but it wasn’t the strangest thing in the room.

The entire bed was filled with blossoms that Kouki _swore_ weren’t there when he woke up. Petals of red, white, yellow, and of course, purple. Some had spilled off the bed, scattered on the floor. The supposedly pleasant, floral scent was overbearing. Mamoru didn’t seem to mind, though, and nonchalantly greeted Kouki when he noticed him at the doorway.

“Good morning, Kou!"

“Good morning…” Kouki took a step back. Did his chaotic magic cause all this? He felt lightheaded for a split second, and his head jolted.

The antlers had magically sprouted another string of bright wisteria.

Mamoru stifled a laugh and tried to keep his composure, but his face was just as red as Kouki’s, as if sensing his sudden emotional eruption.

They carefully danced around the little incident and returned to the matter at hand.

“Mamoru, breakfast is ready.” Kouki tried to keep his voice even.

The usual chatter. _Did you have a good night’s sleep? Any dreams? Oh, yes, I was on a lively island that was suspended in the air, floating in the midst of clouds. There was a waterfall at the edge, pouring water into the abyss with no end to be seen._

They ate, and talked, and Mamoru cheerfully went on with his dish-washing duty. The pachira, though properly potted, flew after him all the way nevertheless, like a loyal familiar.

"Anyway, what are you thinking of doing today, Kou?"

"Hmm?" _An opening!_

Kouki was about to voice his request, but Mamoru spoke first.

“Do you know how to dance, Kou?”

Kouki was taken aback. “Huh? I— no, I don’t.” _Please teach me._

“Then, would you like me to teach you?”

“Yes, please!” said Kouki, a little too enthusiastically. “I’ll clean up the ballroom!"

“Ahaha, this would just be a simple practice session, you don't need to worry about decking out the venue too much!" Mamoru said. “Later when you got the hang of it, we can do a proper dance."

“Oh, alright!” Kouki nodded. “Then I’ll clean it up for a practice session!”

Kouki fled before Mamoru could stop him. He cleared dust off the floor, lit the candles, and tore the worn-down curtains off the windows entirely, letting sunlight in. The lone piano was carefully wiped clean, too, for good measure.

"My time has finally come...!" Mamoru puffed his chest, and walked into the room like he owned the place. "I can teach Kou something!"

Kou stood in front of Mamoru, who was looking at him up and down.

“Sorry, you’re going to have to bow down a bit!”

Kouki obeyed. He bent down a little, so his shoulders were within Mamoru’s reach.

Then, with a surprising boldness, Mamoru reached forward, placing his right hand on Kouki’s left, and his left arm slid up to Kouki’s right shoulder, holding on tightly.

“Put your right hand behind my back.”

Kouki nervously snaked a hand behind Mamoru's back, and Mamoru squeezed his left hand reassuringly.

“Here’s some basic steps. They’re quite easy to get used to. Just keep holding on to me like this, alright?"

Kouki tried his best to retain his usual, composed expression. This was the closest they had ever stood against each other. Too close. Mamoru was literally in his arms. His body felt so delicate against his hand. But Mamoru’s left hand was holding his shoulder tightly, while his right hand settled for a dainty, feather-light touch on Kouki’s left palm. Kouki wasn’t sure if he had been subconsciously following all of Mamoru’s orders the entire time, but when the rhythm was set and doing the steps became comfortable, it felt as natural as it could be.

“…And there you go! This is how it’s usually done. Just go with the flow, feel the both of us move as one!"

Kouki wordlessly nodded. The sunlight illuminated Mamoru in a warm, ethereal glow, and though he was dressed in just a simple tunic, with tousled hair from when he woke up, Kouki thought he looked stunning. He wasn't entirely sure when he started looking at Mamoru this much.

“Dancing without any music like this is quite pitiful.” Mamoru laughed nervously. “But it’s all we have right now. I’m sorry.”

“No, no,” Kouki said, “This is all right.”

“Just imagine a song playing in your head.” Mamoru said. “I do that all the time!"

They continued dancing, ballroom silent except for the pair counting steps in unison. Mamoru taught him new moves, including one where Mamoru performed a charming spin, hand still linked with Kouki's above his head as he did.

 _Whatever happened to finding a way to break the curse?_ A voice from a small corner of Kouki's mind chimed in.

But Mamoru’s small hands were holding him so confidently, helping him glide over the ballroom floor on his ungraceful hooves. There was no fear in his eyes, only trust. They moved together in synchronized steps, their breaths wavering and breaking into the occasional laughter as they counted, _one, two, three, four, five, six!_

Curse be damned.

 

* * *

 

Before the sky could turn too dark and the cold too severe, the pair washed off their sweat in the bath and went to bed. Mamoru entertained the both of them with a song before the exhaustion from dancing sent him into a deep sleep.

“Sleep is the greatest!” Mamoru had said earlier. "Of course, sometimes I can stay up very late when musical inspiration hits out of nowhere and I must write it down before I forget, but other than that, sleep gives me wonderful dreams! Some of them are so vivid, I’ll immediately write a story, or compose a song, the moment I wake up."

Mamoru’s sleeping face was always serene, like he travelled to the most pleasant fantasy world every night. Kouki silently thanked whatever deity was in charge of dreams. If Mamoru had to live through a difficult life, at least he could find peace in sleep every night. Perhaps it was no god, but just the goodness of Mamoru’s heart. And the potency of his imagination, perhaps.

Kouki's mind fluttered to a locked box, hidden away under the very bed he was sleeping on.

He had prepared a clean, sharp dagger. When the time comes, Mamoru would, he _should_ …

It can wait. There’s still tomorrow.

Kouki closed his eyes, hoping he could somehow join Mamoru in his dreamland.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edit/clarification: according to the vol. 3 drama cd, mamoru's parents died when he was reaaally young apparently? ...and he barely had any memory of them. I was not aware of this before writing ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ so there's my lack of research. my apologies


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end is nigh.

Mamoru knew something was off that day.

He woke up with not a single petal on the bed. There were cracks on the walls and the floor that he was sure hadn’t been there before, sloppily filled in with budding plants. Kouki was there to greet him for breakfast in the dining room, and he was a little too quiet. The portion of the food was larger than usual. The magical pachira _couldn’t fly_ anymore, so Mamoru had to carry it.

They didn’t converse throughout breakfast, neither willing to break the ice. Mamoru absent-mindedly stroked the pachira nestled in his lap.

“Did you have any dreams, Mamoru?” The one event that stayed constant, the question that always made Mamoru light up. Kouki sounded a little tired, perhaps from hunting, but the rise in his tone indicated the interest he always had with Mamoru’s nighttime journeys.

"I did!” Mamoru set down a fork on his empty plate. “I was flying? Or swimming. I didn’t know where I was, or _what_ I was, but there’s only water as far as the eye could see. There was no horizon at all, I can’t see where the ocean ends and the sky begins. But I was moving, traversing through the endless ocean, and it glittered gold from the sunlight…” Mamoru gestured at the air. “It was silent save for the sound of waves, but I can imagine large drums and bells echoing in the distance. A grand orchestra, too, perhaps? I need to write that down."

Kouki watched Mamoru scrawl notes in his little book with mild amusement.

“Hah, as if I’d actually have access to an orchestra,” Mamoru added lightly.

Something was _definitely_ off, then, when Kouki asked Mamoru to go with him to the tallest tower, when it was a little too late to catch the sunrise. While carrying a suspicious wooden box. Mamoru agreed, nevertheless.

The tower provided a scenic view as always. Silent fields of white under calm, blue sky. The air was chilly. But there was no unusual natural phenomenon.

“I need to tell you something,” Kouki said.

_Ah. There it is._

"I want to be honest with you, even if it's uncomfortable." Kouki took a deep breath, "Mamoru, tomorrow is the last day of the fifth year. There’s no way to break the curse."

Mamoru fell quiet. Yes, they haven't found any way at all. Caught in temporary bliss, they had forgotten to look for any.

He cursed. "Damn! I-I told you I would help you, I said I'd look for a way, I promised that—!"

“—You wouldn't let me live out the rest of my life in loneliness," Kouki interrupted gently. "You've succeeded. The times I have spent with you have been the happiest I've ever been in my life, Mamoru. I couldn’t ask for anything better.”

Mamoru fell quiet, and watched as Kouki unlocked the box, revealing a sheathed dagger, its hilt and scabbard studded with jewels. Eerily clean.

“Tomorrow, at exactly midnight. I want you to run this dagger through my heart, and end my life. It would be quick.”

Mamoru didn’t move.

Kouki’s voice was cold steel. “Promise me, Mamoru.”

He couldn't.

“Mamoru.”

He forced himself to speak. “I…”

“Please, grant me the dignity to die with my humanity. I don’t want to die as a feral beast."

When Mamoru didn’t answer, Kouki continued, “Please, Mamoru. At least—at least I know my life would end in the hands of someone I trust dearly. You know what would happen if you don’t kill me—“

“—Your humanity would disappear, you’ll turn into an animal,” Mamoru echoed Kouki’s words from the day of his revelation.

“And then I would  _kill_ you right where you stand!” Kouki’s voice broke. “That is the worst fate imaginable! I want you to live! For you to go back to your carefree, wanderer’s life again, so you can continue discovering natural wonders, sharing your songs, bringing hope to more lives, like you did to mine!”

Mamoru kept quiet, but it seemed like Kouki wouldn't say anything else until he gave a response, and the lengthy silence was painful.

“I will do it.” Mamoru said, in the tiniest voice.

Kouki raised his head, looked at Mamoru’s eyes intensely.

“Tomorrow, at exactly midnight.” It was so hard to speak. “I will, e-end your life.”

“Promise me, Mamoru!”

“I promise.” Mamoru forced himself to smile. “A Fujimura… never goes back on his word!”

“Then, I am glad.” Kouki smiled back, a contented curve on his canid face, unfitting for someone who just made Mamoru promise to kill him. “I could make you do it right now,” he chuckled darkly. “But forgive my selfishness, as long as I still have my humanity and my memories, I would like to spend all the time I still have with you. To the last second.”

“I’m fine with that,” Mamoru said. “I’d have it that way, too.”

“Thank you, Mamoru.” Kouki knelt down, head bowed, and held both of Mamoru’s hands. “Thank you. I know I’m asking you to do something difficult, but you need to keep living on, you need to be free again."

“Yes, yes.”

Kouki’s antlers slowly sprouted small, purple blooms, and that was enough to draw a genuine smile out of Mamoru.

He didn’t really feel like leaving anymore. Wherever would he go after this? Nowhere, as usual.

A gentle breeze swirled around them, carrying the sweet scent of flowers. Breathing it in calmed down his racing heart.

“I also have a final request.” Kouki said. “Will you dance with me, tomorrow, during my final moments? A proper one. At night, in a well-lit ballroom…”

“Of course! Anything for you, Kou! But… a proper dance? There’s no one to play the music.” Unless they could somehow teach the pachira to play the piano. Mamoru briefly fantasized about magic powers that could make a piano play itself.

“We can sing.”

“You’re right!” Sounds a little taxing, but Mamoru was down for it. “I can finish that song from the other day, _as time goes on_! It would be perfect to dance a simple waltz to. We can keep the metronome ticking, too, for the beat!"

Kouki was fired up. “I will memorize the song by heart, before today ends!” He declared. “Harmonies, and everything!”

“That’s the spirit!"

They ran down the spiraling staircase to move to the ballroom. The pachira was up and flying.

 

* * *

 

After a long, laborious, but determined practice session, the two returned to their bedroom at dusk.

"One more song before we sleep," said Mamoru, taking out his lute as he sat cross-legged on the bed. “This is the _Melodia of the Twilight_.

“It sounds fitting for the scene,” said Kouki next to him, gazing at the slowly fading light through the windows.

Mamoru smiled knowingly, and opened the song with the warm evening setting. _A bustling scene just like in a festival. Scents lined up along the street. Makes me forget my worries for a moment…_

This particular song always started out pleasant. The accompanying lute made little trills and lightly bounced from note to note.

 _Lingala Lingala Lingala-ya, Lingana Lingana Linga-mare…_ Mamoru liked how Kouki perked up at the sound of the vocables. The song wasn’t all sweetness, though, it was also a tale of longing.

 _The repeated Melodia shall come to your side_  
_No matter how long, no matter how many days it takes, it’ll wait here._

 _If we can love each other not with words, but with heart_  
_No matter when, no matter when, it won’t feel tough._  
_Whispering, see you tomorrow, alone in the twilight_  
_In this place where nothing, and absolutely nothing is present._

Kouki seemed to have caught on to the gradual shift in tone, and was listening intently.

 _Goodbye, see you again, smiling toward the twilight_  
_In this place where nothing, and absolutely nothing is present…_

The bittersweet acceptance. It ended just like that, wrapped neatly with another set of vocables. Mamoru realized his eyes were watering, but he willed himself to stay composed. Kouki placed a gentle paw on his shoulder.

“We can always hope, right?"

Now Kouki was the one who was being relentlessly optimistic, _how unfair, using my only redeeming feature against me_ , but Mamoru would be lying if he said it didn’t cheer him up a bit.

“I might not be gone forever. Maybe I could get a second chance,” Kouki laughed. “Like that story you told me the other day, with the two lovers who, after death, were reunited together in the sky as stars. Maybe I’ll return as a shining star in my next life, Mamoru, and I’ll be able to watch over you on your journeys."

Mamoru’s heart fluttered. “That would be lovely.”

"It is you, Mamoru, who taught me to be hopeful, after all."

After all, magic existed, didn’t it? Miracles were possible, weren’t they? There was reason to hope.

Mamoru put away his lute and made himself comfortable under the bedsheets. His body was slightly aching from the rigorous sing and dance session.

It was his last night sleeping together with Kouki.

Kouki was oddly accepting of his fate. He looked drowsy the moment his back hit the mattress. Mamoru found himself unable to sleep, when usually it came so naturally to him. At least when he doesn’t have any new music ideas.

He turned onto his side and lightly tapped Kouki’s shoulder, who was sleeping with his back against Mamoru. “Kou.”

“Yes?” Came a muffled reply from the other side.

“Can I hold you?”

After a drawn-out silence. “Yes.”

Mamoru reached for Kouki, who was clearly too large for his arms to wrap around. He held what he could.

Kouki felt warm, and comforting. Mamoru closed his eyes and fell asleep.

It was a dark, dreamless one, but he didn’t mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [tasogare no melodia translation by sharasherenia](https://sharasherenia.blogspot.com/2017/01/lyrics_27.html)


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tale as old as time.

“Does it fit?”

“Yes, quite nicely!” Mamoru ran his fingers through the decorative gold on his sleeves, twirled around just to watch his vibrant cape flutter. There was gold lined on every part of his apparel. Such lavish clothes he would never have imagined to ever wear in his life. He felt like a noble, and it wasn't too entirely bad of a feeling.

“You look great!"

“Kou, you should dress up too.”

“There’s hardly anything that fit me, though.” Kouki frowned.

“Oh, what about this cape? It’s loose, so it should at least be able to wrap around your back.” Mamoru pulled out a rich dark blue cape from the wardrobe, lined with fur.

As Kouki had requested a proper dance before… the untimely event that Mamoru didn’t want to think about, they were in a large bedroom that evening, trying out clothing. Kouki had graciously prepared and cleaned a whole set of fancy clothing just for him.

He convinced Kouki to wear the cape, and also to let Mamoru braid his hair. In turn, Kouki brushed Mamoru’s hair and tied it into a ponytail.

They watched the sunset together from a window. Their last sunset together, for good measure.

Mamoru and Kouki entered the ballroom as night fell, hand-in-hand, for a final dance. The metronome was set, and it ticked in a comfortable tempo, echoing throughout the large, silent room. It was poignant, though, as the ticking reminded Mamoru that they were racing against time more than anything. He pushed all those thoughts away, determined to give Kouki the best dance of his life.

A few ticks, before they moved into position to start the dance.

A few more, before Kouki opened with the first verse.

 _Life’s first cry began here_  
_Tied by their lingering heat, the gears started to move…_

They had practiced it many times the day before, so the words came to Mamoru easily and naturally.

 _I want to keep this warmth,_  
_Though time will not return_  
_Resounding before eternity,_  
_Which is entrusted with a miracle as it slumbers._

Of course, it was hardly a proper dance without any proper music, but Kouki was singing so passionately, and the silence made their harmonies all the clearer. All the way, Kouki gazed into Mamoru’s eyes without any trace of sadness. He had a determined, hopeful look instead.

Mamoru was sure that _his_ eyes were reflecting sadness, though.

 _We head to that boundary of a faraway future,_  
_Beginning here_  
_Even if this song of life calls forth_  
_The end of dreams as it reaches you_  
_Our joy is born_  
_For that is your happiness._

The humble song and dance were ended with a few lines of hushed, gentle vocables.

The metronome’s pendulum miraculously ticked for a few times, a dramatic coda, before stopping.

Kouki dropped into all fours suddenly, coughing, almost looking like he was retching. The plants tangled in his antlers shriveled up.

Mamoru rushed to his side. “Kou, are you alright?”

“Please,” Kouki gasped. “Take me outside, we’ll finish things there. This castle is going to collapse anytime soon."

Mamoru compiled, discarded his cape, and slung Kouki over his shoulder with great effort. He helped him exit the castle and into the snowy fields outside, a good, safe distance away.

“Go back,” Kouki said, voice hoarse. “You need to save your lute, your book, all your belongings.”

It wasn’t a good idea to leave Kouki alone, when he seemed to be at the edge of turning feral, but Mamoru ran back inside anyway, and all the way to Kouki’s bedroom. He gathered his lute, all his items, his cloak and satchel.

 _This is what I always do before I leave someone’s home to go back on my journey_.

Mamoru noticed the pachira sitting on Kouki’s desk, weak and limp. The plants trailing along the room had shrunk, too, and lost their colour.

A piece of the ceiling fell down with a crash, startling Mamoru. He quickly grabbed the pachira by the pot, slung over his lute and satchel, and ran back outside. Kouki, thankfully, was still conscious.

“I got them. I got my lute, Kou.” Mamoru panted, setting everything aside to kneel next to Kouki.

“That’s… good."

It’s just the waiting game, then.

“ _Gregorio, don’t go…_ ”

The song actually made Kouki look up and smile, though he obviously looked pained. “I haven’t heard that one.”

“ _Gregorio_.” Mamoru said wistfully. “It means ‘watchful.’”

“A beautiful song, as always.”

Mamoru continued singing. If Kouki noticed that it was another farewell song, he didn’t say anything. The song kept Kouki calm, and Mamoru hoped it would at least delay the transformation, even just a bit.

When it inevitably ended, Kouki commented, "A fitting song... It's a beautiful night, isn't it."

"It is."

Aside from the obvious elephant in the room, it was a nice night filled with twinkling stars.

"Don't despair, Mamoru. I'm still here. 'I have yet to go beyond the clouds.'"

"Mmm." Mamoru nodded.

"Why don't you tell another story?"

The end of the year, was it.

"In the towns and villages, right now everyone would be preparing for a great celebration to welcome the new year. When the clock struck midnight, they would cheer happily, enjoy a large feast with song and dance, pray for an abundant year ahead." Mamoru chuckled. "Last year, I stayed in a close-knit village of hardly more than two hundred men. I was one of the musicians for the celebration. It was an incredible experience, everyone contributed to the feast. There were lots of dancing and drinking... The villagers even insisted I stay another night, because, admittedly, I was quite exhausted, and a little tipsy."

"Ah... that kind of unbridled joy and warmth was what I always found lacking in the nobles and castles," said Kouki. "I wonder how things would've turned out if I just had been born an average village boy. But the road fate has laid out for me led me to meet you, so it's really not so bad."

"Yeah." Mamoru briefly fantasized about a domestic villagers' life together with Kouki, before going back to steeling himself for what will come ahead. All he could do right now is cling onto the naive wish of Kouki being granted a second life. Was the gods' gift of returning as a star reserved only for lovers?

The passage of time was blurred in the chilly night, and, much earlier than Mamoru would have preferred, Kouki started spasming.

In the distance, the castle rumbled, and its towers toppled down with great crashes that shook the earth.

“Mamoru,” Kouki called out, handing Mamoru the sheathed dagger. His voice was nearly drowned out. “You can end it now."

“N-now?”

Kouki fell into all fours again, dropping the dagger, and he made a low growl. His mane fell over his eyes, he stamped his back hooves and his clawed fingers twitched. His mouth was open, baring rows of teeth. Mamoru quickly swiped the blade, and retreated immediately as Kouki lunged at him, jaws snapping. Mamoru narrowly escaped intact.

“Kou!”

The beast pulled back immediately, howling. In-between the animalistic noises, Mamoru could still hear Kouki’s human voice rasp out.

" _Mamoru! Do it now!_ "

It was a command he had to obey. Mamoru’s fingers tightened around the golden hilt of the blade, and he summoned his entire strength to, hopefully, end it all quickly.

Mamoru drove the dagger straight into Kouki’s chest, eyes shut tight. There was a small whimper that pained Mamoru to hear it, as if it was his own heart that had been struck.

“Thank you,” Kouki said, finally. Mamoru pulled out the dagger with trembling fingers, flung it away, and dared himself to look. Kouki had fallen onto the ground, deep red blossoming on his chest, staining his clothes. He wasn’t moving.

Mamoru knelt down and reached for Kouki’s hand, held the large, clawed paw in his hands. No longer the warmth on his back when they danced. It was cold, lifeless.

The last of the castle’s structures came crashing down, and whatever green was left around it wilted into dark grey. Just an empty piece of abandoned land in the cold, cold winter.

It really happened.

“Kou, I…”

Mamoru took a deep, shaky breath.

“I love you!"

Why now? When it’s all no use.

“I love you…! I don’t know when… or how… I just… I love you! I like being with you, I don’t want to leave! I don’t want _you_ to leave! But… it’s too late..."

Mamoru held Kouki’s unmoving paw to his head and cried.

“ _Even if this song of life calls forth… the end of dreams as it reaches you…_ "

 

 

Before the verse could be finished, however, a burst of light sprung forth, and Mamoru instinctively shielded his eyes. His mind spun. It was the dead of the night, and the moon barely had enough light for proper illumination, yet…

Kouki’s body was glowing, his entire form enveloped by blinding white light. A pillar of golden light shot down from the sky, making Mamoru jump and stumble. The ground beneath him started to glow as well, everything was too bright…

_Kou…?!_

The creature’s body floated upwards, suspended in the air, and there was a flash.

When Mamoru opened his eyes, he was in a foreign realm made of pure light, an environment taken straight out of his dreams. Standing on nothingness, infinite space of white and yellow as far as the eye could see.

Kouki was in front of him, still a white silhouette. Light purple petals rose out from the void in circles, _wisteria_ , and they spiraled around Kouki’s form. The large stag-like antlers fragmented away into more petals. Then the long tail went away, then the canid muzzle, and his figure became smaller and smaller as more petals flew out...

What resulted was a figure roughly Mamoru’s size, which drew closer to him, and wrapped its arms around him as the white light peeled away from its body—

“—I love you too!”

A human was hugging him. _Kouki was hugging him _. The light realm dissipated immediately, leaving a flourishing field of the greenest grass in its wake. A field that Mamoru found he was standing on, with Kouki’s arms wrapped around his body.__

__“ _Kou!!_ ” Mamoru screamed. With a sudden surge of strength, he lifted Kouki up and did a gleeful spin, making the man in his arms laugh. Eventually, he lost his balance, and the two fell onto the ground, where the grassland had spontaenously combusted into a field of purple flowers that seemed to radiate a light of its own._ _

__Mamoru stood up immediately, helping Kouki get up as well. “Kou! It’s really you?!”_ _

__“Love,” was all Kouki said,_ _

__“Love?”_ _

__“Love broke the curse.”_ _

__Heavens, Kouki was _beautiful_. Mamoru could finally get a proper look at that golden hair, the gentle blue eyes filled with affection, the lovely _human_ face—he couldn’t help reaching a hand out to hold that face, and Kouki leaned into his touch sweetly._ _

__“I love you, Kou.” Mamoru declared, again._ _

__“I know.” Kouki laughed. “I love you, Mamoru.”_ _

__They hugged each other, tightly._ _

__Mamoru let go, and took a step back. “Whoa…”_ _

__“What is it?”_ _

__“You’re actually shorter than me."_ _

__“Mamoru.” Kouki chided, though he was still laughing._ _

__“Ahahaha! But honestly, Kou, you look absolutely stunning!”_ _

__The burden was lifted. There was no more curse, and Kouki was free._ _

__Breaking their giggling fit, Mamoru looked at the pile of stone and rubble in alarm. “Ahh! Kou, your castle’s gone!”_ _

__Kouki was still smiling. “It’s fine.”_ _

__“But it was your home!"_ _

__“I’m already home.” Kouki leaned closer. “ _You’re_ my home, Mamoru! As long as I’m with you, there’s nowhere else I’d rather be."_ _

__Kouki leaned closer, and even closer, and it took Mamoru a few embarassing seconds to realize Kouki had kissed him. He felt Kouki’s hands trail up his neck and to the back of his head, pulling him, deepening the contact. Once Mamoru recovered from the brief shock, he returned the gesture. He ran his fingers through Kouki’s golden locks, across his smooth (and very much human) cheeks._ _

__It was just Mamoru and Kouki, in their own first day of spring. The grass at their feet stirred, petals circled around them. Kouki smelled like flowers. His lips were soft and warm. Mamoru still could hardly believe this was happening._ _

__When they parted, both out of breath, though still with arms around each other, Mamoru was misty-eyed. His cheeks were flushed completely red._ _

__“I… then you are my home, Kou. I have a home. I’m going to cry again—!”_ _

__Mamoru’s tears spilled onto Kouki’s shoulder, as Kouki’s warm hand gently stroked his hair. They remained in each other’s embrace, neither willing to let go or loosen their hold._ _

__“If it’s all right with you,” said Mamoru, once he had regained his composure. His thoughts spilled out, “I want to stop running away. I want to return to where the people are. I want to live in a humble home where we can go back to every day, and then we can grow vegetables and flowers in a small garden and every morning and night I would sing—"_ _

__Kouki interrupted his rambling. “I would like that very much, Mamoru,” he laughed, ever so bright. The moonlight illuminated his face with the gentlest glow, and Mamoru found himself falling in love all over again._ _

__“...But we still need someplace to stay, though!”_ _

__“Ah, right.”_ _

__“Ooh! Don’t worry!” Mamoru grinned. “I know exactly where to start. But first—”_ _

__—he jumped at Kouki, and they tumbled together into the bed of flowers, in a splash of purple petals._ _

__Mamoru hovered over Kouki, who he had pinned down, his golden hair sprawled all over the field of purple. “Don’t you think we can stay here for a while and watch the sunrise?”_ _

__Kouki simply laughed again, brought his hands to Mamoru’s head and pulled him down for another kiss._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)
> 
>  
> 
> [toki no hazama ni translation by nebulancer](https://nebulancer.dreamwidth.org/28650.html#cutid1)


	13. Epilogue

“Really, Mamoru, you could’ve just said you were looking for a husband."

Mamoru sputtered. “T-that wasn’t my original intention at all!”

Kensuke laughed, patted Mamoru’s back playfully. “Well, either way, we’re all happy to have you and Kouki here. He's the talk of the town now, don't you know? What a man!”

Mamoru laughed. “Thank you, we owe you and Ryou a lot! And Kou is indeed wonderful...Oh! I need to get home soon. See you, Ken!”

It’s been quite a while since Mamoru stumbled into an enchanted castle and fell in love with a prince-turned-beast. Now he was simply a performer and musician in a small town, living in a humble cottage, impeccably taken care of by his wonderful partner. They had a garden of their own, of course. It was, mysteriously, always abundant with harvest and all kinds of flowers. But that’s their little secret.

Kensuke and Ryouta were their neighbours, and had very kindly helped them settle down. The townspeople were accepting of their arrival, and they remembered Mamoru and his songs from his last visit, much to Mamoru’s delight.

The potted pachira at the windowsill waved when it saw Mamoru approaching, but quickly remembered that it needed to blend in, and stiffened immediately.

Ryouta, from the other side of the window, raised an eyebrow. “Did that plant just move by itself?”

Kouki beamed. “Must’ve been the wind.”

Ryouta softened immediately. “If you say so.”

The door swung open. Mamoru peered inside, lute case slung over his shoulder, and saw Kouki placing flowers in a vase. When he saw Mamoru, he smiled. Always with that radiant smile that rivaled the sun. 

Mamoru ran up to Kouki, and they shared a warm embrace.

“I’m home!”

“Welcome back."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading!!!
> 
> this is my first time trying to write a (proper) romance and hopefully it’s not too awkward (im just a useless aro). it's just a straightforward batb story but with mamokou. I love mamokou so much. I love growth so much. I love any combination of growth pairings and growth ot4... I just love em. I hope I can write more about them in the future.  
> one final thanks to my friend alessa! :>
> 
> again, thank you for making it this far, and thank you for the comments, I really appreciate it!


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